She couldn’t help herself and shouted to the audience, “That guy sitting in the last row didn’t laugh when he was in the front row, and he still hasn’t laughed now. Are you hiding in the back because you’re afraid of hurting me?”
Under the watchful eyes of the crowd, the man crossed his arms, pulled his woolen hat down over his eyes, and said nothing. Gu Yi thought carefully about how she might have offended him. Had she seen him before? No. Although she wanted to say more, she felt that continuing might become a personal attack. Comedy is meant to be funny, not mean. She smiled and asked, “Just to confirm, you don’t have any physical or psychological issues... You can still make facial expressions, right?”
The man nodded, and it was clear he could smile. From five meters away, Gu Yi could see his eyes were bright, and his gaze was kind. The audience particularly enjoyed the interaction, especially watching men and women banter across the air.
“One more question. Are you dissatisfied with me personally?” Seeing him shake his head, Gu Yi scratched the back of her head and laughed at herself. “Then why are you here? Tickets aren’t easy to get, and you’re not smiling. Are you here to practice?”
The bar was already filled with laughter, and some enthusiastic audience members started chanting, “Together, together!”
Gu Yi bowed and left the stage. “I dare not. If a talk show comedian ends up with such a handsome guy, people will question my professional ability. They’ll think I made it based on my looks, right? That’s a big uncertainty for my comedy career.” Gu Yi’s tone shifted to something that sounded like a gentle threat: “You must come to the next show. I’ll leave you my contact information after the show. Don’t be afraid; I’m just curious which words will make you laugh.”
Of course, she didn’t stay. It was just a joke for the audience. She even went to confirm with Yu Dule that the man had indeed come for the second time and happened to catch her performance. Ounces’ lottery system made it difficult to get tickets. Many people filled out the application form on their phones. They could only choose one show a week, and the performers were like mystery boxes—you wouldn’t know until the announcement.
Yu Dule was excited. “I think it’s fate. You’re here at the last minute.”
Gu Yi sniffed. “Opportunities are for those who are prepared. Is it me who’s prepared or him?”
“It’s fate,” Yu Dule said, raising his eyebrows mysteriously.
To test her fate, Gu Yi applied for open mics the next week—both performers and audience members were selected by lottery—but she wasn’t selected even once. She had enough jokes to do a special show in one go, but unfortunately, Ounces’ performers were eager to express themselves lately, and it was never her turn. While waiting for the cast list for the open mic, she instead received feedback from a client on WeChat: “Lindsey, what’s going on with the Q1 content list? It’s disappointing. Although your quote is high, production is slow, and communication is difficult and time-consuming, we’re especially unhappy with the theme this time. Please revise the copy. The color of the infographic isn’t sophisticated enough, and the font is too large. We’re not a brand that likes to use gold. We want stories and substance.”
The words before “although” were all shortcomings, and the words after “but” were all complaints, which didn’t form a transition at all. Gu Yi had become used to this type of customer complaint and felt her biggest mistake was giving the PPT too early. The book "Ideal Home" was still in her drawer. She hadn’t had time to read Liang Daiwen’s interview. She hadn’t opened the drawer for a month. If she opened it, she would want to see him in person. And if she wanted to see him in person, she’d need to win the open mic, which made Gu Yi even more anxious.
It’s a female instinct to be fond of handsome men, especially when they’re wrapped in the beguiling word “fate,” and she attributed all coincidences to destiny. Gu Yi was writing jokes in the office, her mind wandering, when she accidentally sent a message to the company group: “Love is so wonderful that even before it starts, the linearity of expectation can circle a galaxy of mosquito coils around the earth.”
The intern messaged her frantically: “Quick, withdraw that! You posted it in the company group!”
After not appearing on an open mic for a month, Gu Yi’s thoughts about Liang Daiwen had grown. On the day of the open mic, she couldn’t help but say, “Come on, let’s confirm our fate. Is the male audience member who couldn’t laugh last time here today?”
The lighting engineer even turned on the lights. After a round of inspection, Gu Yi joked, “It’s okay. He’s not here today. Those who have been here before may know there’s an audience member who only chooses my shows and never laughs. It’s like he’s here for some sort of therapy.” She sighed dramatically. “Well, I’m relieved he didn’t come today, but I’m a little disappointed.”
As soon as she finished speaking, Yu Dule opened the door and escorted the last latecomer to the stage. The man who hadn’t laughed during the first two shows, wearing a denim jacket with his hands in his pockets, took off his hat and looked at her as he sat at the edge of the first row. Gu Yi held the microphone, momentarily stunned. “Wow, what a show, the last to appear.”
The lights went out as the audience laughed. Gu Yi pretended to stretch as if she was about to do something big, but she was actually taking deep breaths—those few seconds just now felt like a fateful exchange of glances.
This time, Gu Yi wanted to talk about love. She had polished the script repeatedly on the subway. Only one light was on during the performance, so only the first row of the audience was visible. As long as the non-laugher wasn’t in the first row, everything would be normal—but he happened to be in the first row. Gu Yi spoke smoothly, and the audience laughed at every joke. She was satisfied for a while. But as she spoke, she got a little distracted and paused for two seconds. The light danced with dust, and the slight smell of alcohol lingered in the air. She could hear her heart beating inexplicably.
When she came to her senses, the audience had just finished laughing at a joke and were now looking at her quietly. She tried to smooth things over. “I thought you’d laugh for five seconds, but it only took two. I underestimated how funny my jokes are.”
“My boss has been giving me trouble lately. During the day, I’m a soft copywriter who’s not very popular with her. Recently, she asked me to write a love story for a brand. I won’t say which brand it is to avoid offending anyone, but Party A reported that the characters and plot I wrote were stiff and boring. They said it must be because I have no experience in love that my writing was so dry. But the protagonists of the love story I was asked to write are diamonds and zirconium alloys, and they wanted me to write about destiny. I can’t tell my boss that the last time I saw a stone representing love was in ‘The Story of the Stone’ in a small third-tier city, and whoever wore it broke up.”
“My boss recruited me because I made a relatively famous Orange Light game about secret love. Many people played it, so she thought I might be suitable for writing this kind of love-related brand content, but she probably only saw the game data and not the content. Of course, she can’t see it now. The review is stricter, and those indescribable plots have become asterisks. How many indescribable things are there? Recently, I wanted to find some inspiration for Diamond, so I clicked in to play and relive my highlights. As a result, it was all asterisks. Orange Light blurred everything below the neck. I was very confused and could only comfort myself that love is a dirty thing.”
Gu Yi told jokes with a Northeastern accent, revealing a bit of grievance and sadness, which made the audience even happier. She didn’t stop. “So I can’t write a love story for Diamond during the day, and I sleep alone in a 1.5-meter bed at night, feeling lonely and empty as I roll around. You might not know that if you’re single for a long time, your friends will think you’re cursed. They’ll say, ‘Hey, this person is single, there must be a reason, you can’t consider them as a love interest.’ Don’t laugh. If I drink too much, my friends will definitely abandon me at the bar. After all, I’m ‘single,’ who knows what will happen. A talk show actress, not sexy, what if I get drunk and do something crazy? Throwing me in the bar is risk management. Do you know what it feels like to wake up alone in a bar early in the morning? I know—lonely, embarrassed, and humiliated. Testing moral boundaries like crazy and finally emerging unscathed, single, talk show actress as an amulet.”
The laughter was so loud after the jokes. The man finally put down his phone and looked at the stage, but his face remained expressionless. Gu Yi noticed this as well. She paused for a few seconds, waiting for the laughter to die down. She thought, *Wasn't it funny just now? Maybe I should see how others are reacting?* Liang Daiwen might have a high sense of humor, so she continued.
"When I was a child, my mother was particularly afraid that I would fall in love too early. When I was fifteen, I fell in love with the most handsome class monitor. When my mother heard about it, she beat me and locked me up at home after school to reduce the chances of seeing him, as if to raise my value. This made me think, in a place like Shanghai, is it true that the more expensive the place you're locked up, the higher your value becomes? Look at what those women who were kept by rich men were called in the early years—canaries. My mother had a bit of philosophy there. Recently, my roommate has been showing some interest in me. I looked at the location of our rental house, which isn't too expensive. Yet, he's still persistent, so I really want to ask him if he's trying to keep me by the pound."
"Last year, or maybe the year before, I also liked a boy who was very charming and sparkling. I was ready to conquer him with my personality, sharing all my knowledge, social insights, and humanistic ideals. After I finished, I felt so smart and talented, as if sparks of wisdom flew off me when I took off my sweater. Then—this man disappeared. I never understood why, but recently I realized from the feedback of a customer who wrote about diamonds that there's no love for stones. Forcibly giving them meaning is pointless, except for driving up their prices."
Liang Daiwen had a blank expression the entire time. This time, not only Gu Yi noticed, but Yu Dule also shrugged.
After the show, Gu Yi sat in the bar, reviewing with other actors. They all helped each other revise their jokes, and without exception, everyone mentioned this man. Yu Dule held the audience list and pointed at the name "Liang Daiwen": "Gu Yi, did you offend him? Or did he kill someone and specifically target you?"
Gu Yi sighed: "Why is my popularity so low? Can't he come to see me just because he likes my stage style?"
"He didn't laugh."
"Okay, I got it. No need to remind me. Anyway, talk shows never involve romantic relationships. After all, we're all comedians. It's normal that he doesn't like me because he's handsome." But Gu Yi felt something was off. She wondered why she got emotional when he was mentioned.
"No," Yu Dule tilted his head. "Actually, you're pretty, otherwise how come so many people know you? It's just that you're too pretty to be funny, and you always dress casually. In my heart, you're a beauty."
"Then why isn't he smiling?"
"Everyone comes here to have fun. The purpose of urban nightlife is to have fun. Maybe his life is too hard?"
Gu Yi suddenly felt very down and wanted to get drunk.
Before she could get happy, Yu Dule received a text message and slapped his thigh with joy: "The joke I submitted to *Tonight's 80s* was selected! That's 800 yuan in royalties! I have to ask if they charge taxes—this is the first time I submitted a piece to them and it was selected."
"I can tell at a glance that I never win—800 bucks without paying tax."
Yu Dule relaxed, "Oh. We're all holding on to something. A few days ago, two Internet celebrities came to the audience. They were randomly picked to come here just to take a break. After the show, they were going to the disco next door. They talked about taking an advertisement with a headline of 30,000 yuan, which can make hundreds of thousands a month. I didn't dare to say that I was a talk show actor at the time. I just said I was a ticket agent. As a result, I found that I made much more money as a stage agent than as a performer. I was completely relying on sales to support my addiction."
Several people sat together, looking at each other. They felt that a 220ml beer was not enough. Yu Dule said, "How about a big bottle?"
This was exactly what Gu Yi was thinking; she wouldn’t go home until she was drunk.
The fee was 800 yuan, and six people opened a bottle of champagne. The fee was rounded off to negative 800 yuan. Yu Dule, who treated the guests, didn't care, as long as his friends were happy. Aside from her and Yu Dule, who were both 26 years old, and a handsome talk show boy born in 1997, the rest were veterans in their thirties and above, professional talk show writers with decent incomes, but they liked to hang out in Ounces and chat with friends. Without family life, they often sat together to brainstorm, and occasionally, when they got excited, they had to determine the ownership of a joke. Gu Yi was one of the few single talk show actresses. Everyone thought she still had a future and it hadn't run out yet. After all, sweet love and trivial marriages ruin artistic careers. Only poor singles and those trapped in long-term intimate relationships have a lot of inspiration, especially Gu Yi, who was known as the unlucky girl of the Huangpu District talk show scene.
But Gu Yi didn't take this to heart. After all, it's really hard for men to suddenly have a flash of inspiration and think, *Ah, my heart is beating* when they see a funny woman wearing a loose T-shirt, jeans, and canvas shoes. Most urban young men still value appearance, figure, dress, family background, and behavior over heartbeats when it comes to love.
This was just her superficial opinion, which she wouldn't write into jokes. She liked to laugh at herself, after all, she was living material. After the champagne, Yu Dule, feeling enthusiastic, opened another bottle of foreign wine. No one left the table easily. It’s easier to come up with good jokes when drunk. Then everyone ordered a bottle of wine to treat everyone, and the total income went negative. They were drunk and very sad. They knew they made little money, but instead of squatting on the roadside to drink, they gave money to the bar owner. They deserved to have a widening gap between the rich and the poor with the bar owner.
Six people walked out of Ounces sideways, and to get some air conditioning, they stood in front of a bar where others were dancing, staring blankly. Everyone was wearing shorts, T-shirts, and flip-flops, not fitting in with the young people passing by. Gu Yi felt refreshed by the cool breeze, sweating as if her skull had turned into a colander, with wind blowing in from all directions. She sneezed on the spot. When she looked up, the man standing in front of her happened to be the male audience member who hadn't laughed during the three shows. He was looking at her with a backpack and a woolen hat on. He was 1.82 meters tall with the hat on, and he was so handsome at close range that Gu Yi was stunned for three seconds: "Damn, a living Liang Daiwen."
The other actors were still standing nearby, and the man acknowledged the greeting. Yes, his real name was Liang Daiwen.
"You're still around here?"
"Work overtime."
Liang Daiwen glanced at the six drunken men and women, estimating they were all drunk after the open mic ended two or three hours ago.
"You're not here to wait for me, are you?" Gu Yi, who was drunk, spoke without restraint.
"No."
"How can you not smile at all?"
"..."
"Am I not funny, or are my jokes not funny, or are all the other actors not funny?"
The man didn't say anything. If he continued, it would probably hurt someone's feelings. Gu Yi looked up at Liang Daiwen in front of her, her eyes reddened, tears falling. Everyone around was stunned. After crying for more than a minute, Gu Yi suddenly turned her head away. *Damn, I thought of jokes while crying. My apple cheeks are too big. Others shed two clear tears when they are sad, but I shed four. With the Indian wrinkles, crying feels natural.*
The sadness was unexpected. A few drunk actors laughed at the jokes on the street, but Gu Yi's tears didn't stop. Liang Daiwen didn't even lower his head, his expression tense, only his black pupils sliding to the bottom of his eyes, looking at the girl in front of him in tears, inexplicably. Gu Yi, drunk and unable to stop crying, said, "Sorry, I got emotional, it's not directed at you."
The scene was ridiculous enough, and what was even more confusing was that Liang Daiwen did not move but just stood with her on the roadside while she cried. The scene really looked like flirting. The other actors thought that after watching three shows, the fate in the big city could be so dense that this scene was barely valid. But it was the first time they saw such a serious audience. If it wasn't an old acquaintance wanting revenge, then it might really be... that he liked Gu Yi.
No one could stop watching the whole show.
"If you're alright... I'm leaving."
Gu Yi remained where she was, her nose probably stuffy from crying. She stood in front of Liang Daiwen, panting and staring at him. The rhythmic beats from the bar’s music drifted outside, making the scene even more surreal. As the distance between them closed, the expressions of the four actors nearby shifted, sensing that Gu Yi’s situation was more than a passing moment. If a relationship sparked here, it could reduce the number of standout talk show actresses. Liang Daiwen was about to walk away when Gu Yi suddenly stumbled forward, standing directly in his path. Liang Daiwen instinctively reached out to steady her, his actions smooth and deliberate, like a seasoned pro.
The surrounding actors watched, stunned.
Liang Daiwen looked up and asked, "Do you know where she lives?"
"Ah?"
"I’ll take her home."
"Ah?"
NEXT
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