Chapter 25: When Morning Comes
She'd just stepped out of the airport and turned on her phone when Jiangxi called, her voice thick with panic.
"Jiaqi, where are you? My brother collapsed. We're at the hospital."
Fear seized her heart.
She got the address and rushed there immediately.
Thankfully it wasn't rush hour. The roads were clear. When Jiaqi arrived, Jiangxi came out to meet her, eyes red and swollen from crying.
"The doctor said his condition is very bad. Mom's already here."
Jiaqi felt utterly terrified.
She ran straight toward the ward, through the long corridor, past countless doors, running desperately forward. Jiangxi chased after her.
"He's in the ICU."
Ruan Zhengdong was in intensive care. She could only see the busy figures of doctors and nurses through the large glass windows.
"Yesterday when you didn't come back, my brother didn't say a word all day. This morning he said he wasn't feeling well. He never complains about pain—he always just endures it. I went to call the doctor, but before I could even get through, he collapsed."
Jiaqi was filled with remorse and anguish. If it weren't for her, if she hadn't hesitated for that one day, perhaps none of this would have happened.
It was all her fault.
It was because of her cowardice.
Her legs went weak. She leaned against the wall, as if only then could she stand.
Secretary Zhang came over and whispered something to Jiangxi. Jiangxi turned to her. "Mom wants to see you."
Jiaqi's heart was breaking. The unprecedented fear and panic left her numb. She followed until they reached a reception room.
Her vision was blurry. She saw the person on the sofa, didn't know what to say, and simply lowered her head in silence.
Ruan Zhengdong's mother's voice was slightly hoarse, her expression tired and haggard. At this moment, she was just an ordinary mother.
"I mentioned you to Dongzi's father," she said. "I told him you've been very good to Dongzi." She paused. "That day, Dongzi called his father, but he didn't approve of your relationship. Mainly because Dongzi is ill, and you're still young. He was afraid it would hold you back."
Jiaqi finally burst into tears. "No."
Choking back sobs, she added, "It's my fault. I couldn't come back in time. I made him worry."
Any further words felt weak and powerless. She wished she were dead.
"Given the current situation, I'm so happy you're back."
She silently wept. Madam Ruan, seeing through everything, clearly understood.
"You're a sensible and kind child. With you here, I feel at ease." She gently patted Jiaqi's hand. "The doctor said he'll wake up. I hope you can put his mind at ease."
Ruan Zhengdong woke up that night. At his own insistence, he was transferred out of the ICU into a special ward.
He didn't look well, but the painkillers kept his spirits relatively good. He managed a weak smile when he saw her, his voice slightly hoarse.
"You're back?"
He spoke slowly, pausing after almost every word.
In just a few days, he seemed emaciated, lying there looking even thinner.
She reached out and took his hand. Because of the IV, it was cold. She warmed it with her own palms.
"Don't worry," he said. "I just fainted for a moment." He spoke slowly, perhaps because of the pain, but he still smiled. "It's even more embarrassing than last time. Last time I slipped in the bathroom. This time it was in the living room—I tripped on the carpet."
Mrs. Ruan said, "You just don't listen. If you'd obediently gone to the hospital, none of this would have happened. Now you have to go."
"Mom, I'm fine." He spoke slowly. "Don't believe me? I'll get up and run three laps for you to see."
Mrs. Ruan scolded, "Still being cheeky."
"Why did you come?" He paused and asked again. "Did you disturb my father? If I had, I would've been in deep trouble."
"How could I not come when you're this sick? Xizi was crying on the phone. Luckily, I was on an inspection tour in Jiangsu these past two days, so I was able to get here quickly. Your father doesn't know yet. You always make us worry."
Ruan Zhengdong seemed very tired. After talking to his mother for a while, he fell asleep without realizing it.
Jiaqi didn't dare move. Jiangxi came over and gently took Ruan Zhengdong's hand from hers and laid it down.
She dared not move or speak, afraid she would cry.
After a long while, she looked up and saw Jiangxi staring at her, tears clearly glistening in his eyes.
She didn't even dare to cry.
She was afraid he would suddenly leave. Just when she'd finally understood, just when she felt everything could start again, he would decide to leave her like this.
She couldn't forgive herself.
She dared not move, afraid of waking him, but even more afraid of an indescribable terror.
She couldn't move, like a tiny ant curled up in the smallest ball in endless darkness, hoping only for a ray of light.
But the light would never reach her again.
She was terrified. More terrified than ever before. Trembling with fear.
Madam Ruan had to rush back to Nanjing the next day because of a business trip.
Jiangxi and Jiaqi saw her off from the hospital.
Before getting into the car, she squeezed Jiaqi's hand, her voice both sorrowful and solemn. "Jiaqi, thank you."
Jiaqi's heart ached. She almost lost her composure. "Auntie."
She held Jiaqi's hand for a long time, then gently patted it before getting into the car and leaving.
Jiangxi also looked very haggard. Jiaqi urged her to go home and rest, but she said, "I'm hungry. You haven't eaten either, have you? Could you come with me to get something to eat?"
Jiangxi was actually very much like her brother. She wanted Jiaqi to eat something, but she used this roundabout way of putting it.
Jiangxi had always been picky about food, just like Ruan Zhengdong—especially fond of gourmet cuisine, never depriving herself. But today, she didn't seem to care. She casually found the nearest restaurant along the street, sat down, and ordered.
Jiaqi was afraid she would say something and be speechless, but she didn't say anything. Just ate silently.
Jiangxi ate a lot. She kept eating silently, while Jiaqi hardly touched anything.
Finally, Jiangxi said, "I'm so full."
Jiaqi said, "I have a friend who once said you feel less sad when you're full."
Jiangxi sighed. "Your friend is wrong. If you're truly sad, even eating your fill won't make you feel better."
"Yes," Jiaqi said. "But I try to eat as much as I can, because I'll feel even worse if I'm hungry. My father taught me that no matter how hard life gets, you have to be good to yourself."
"But you've barely eaten anything," Jiangxi said.
"I've tried. But I just can't eat."
Jiangxi gazed at her. "Actually, yesterday I really thought you wouldn't come back."
"I promised your brother I'd wait for him," Jiaqi said. "How could I not come back?"
"I really admire you," Jiangxi said. "I didn't understand what was so good about you before, but now I know—it's your effort. Others might not work as hard as you. You always try to be good to others, and you also always try your best to be good to yourself. You want others to be happy, and you want yourself to be happy too. You waver, you feel weak, you've even run away before, but every time you bravely return and face it with strength. When you feel you should sacrifice, you sacrifice yourself without hesitation. You do your best and don't care what you get in return. You cry when you face hardship, but most of the time you endure the pain. That's why they like you—because you live so naturally. You're just an ordinary person, an ordinary and plain woman. You have flesh and blood and flaws, but you're so alive that people feel that this is what living is all about."
"Don't praise me like that," Jiaqi said. "I'm not that good."
"You're good because you're not that good."
"Brother is so lucky to have you. Although his situation isn't particularly good right now, I believe you two can definitely be together. Because brother is brave, and you are brave too. If you encounter any obstacles in the future, I'll feel at ease because you won't give up. You won't be afraid."
Jiaqi said softly, "No, I am afraid. I was terrified when I first met your mother."
She felt even more afraid now. A fear that was even terror.
A terror of things she couldn't face.
Jiangxi changed the subject with some difficulty, forcing a smile. "Let me tell you a secret, okay? Even my brother doesn't know. I secretly showed your photo to my dad."
Jiaqi looked at her.
She deliberately lightened her tone. "I chose the prettiest photo. Really, the one my brother took that day—you and Oracle playing in the water on the lawn. It captures how lively, cute, and beautiful you are. Don't look at me like that. I was forced into it. My brother and Grandpa had a fight on the phone, and after the fight, Grandpa had his secretary call and said, 'If he can't see the person, he should at least see the photo.' My brother wouldn't agree, so I had no choice but to secretly send one."
Jiaqi didn't know what to say.
"Actually, my dad loves my brother the most," Jiangxi said. "He's always been biased. Don't be fooled by his strictness toward my brother—he's actually much softer on him than my mom is. Every time he lost his temper with my brother, it was like summer thunder. Loud and intense, but it didn't necessarily mean it would actually rain. Don't worry, the future is bright. As long as we get Grandpa on our side, Mom won't be able to cause any trouble."
Jiangxi spoke with effort and enthusiasm, as if there were still many, many problems to solve, and she couldn't stop. Afraid that if she did, she would burst into tears.
Jiaqi listened attentively, smiling and nodding no matter what she said.
In the future, and for a long future to come, she had to be with him. As long as she was with him, she was sure she could do it. No matter what happened, they could be together.
Ruan Zhengdong's condition finally stabilized, though he was now reliant on painkillers. His spirits were relatively good, and he could get out of bed, but he became more and more silent each day.
He used to talk a lot, and Jiaqi would always bicker with him. But now Jiaqi tried to tease him cleverly, and he would only smile and pat her hair at most.
She felt frustrated because this treatment was similar to that of Oracle.
When Oracle acted cute, he would just pat its head.
On the morning of New Year's Eve, the hospital finally relented and agreed to discharge Ruan Zhengdong for a day, allowing them to go home for the holiday.
The house was very lively. Jiangxi had invited a group of friends over a few days ago to decorate the huge house, but it looked like Christmas.
Jiangxi was extremely annoyed when she heard Ruan Zhengdong's comments and pulled Jiaqi aside, demanding that she stand up for her.
"It does look a bit like Christmas," Jiaqi said. "Colorful lights flashing everywhere. Although there are 'Fu' characters pasted up, there are also red berries hanging."
It was festive, though unbearably tacky. In fact, Jiaqi liked this kind of lively atmosphere, but she just wouldn't admit it.
"Hmph, you're siding with my brother now," Jiangxi said. "You value your girlfriend over your friends, and you despise your future sister-in-law."
Aunt Li and the others had all gone home for the holidays. Only the three of them remained in the large house, but it was still quite lively. Jiangxi suggested making dumplings—a northern custom for family reunion. The three of them, watching TV, gathered in the kitchen, ready for a major undertaking, sleeves rolled up. Jiangxi had prepared a large bag of flour, countless portions of minced meat, and various seasonings.
Jiaqi was in charge of rolling out the dough and mixing the filling, while Ruan Zhengdong and Jiangxi wrapped the dumplings.
Both of them were slow, but Ruan Zhengdong's dumplings were much better than Jiangxi's. He was very proud of this. "Back in the army, we always made dumplings for the New Year—all the officers and soldiers together. On New Year's Eve, the leaders of the Central Military Commission came to visit everyone at the grassroots level. They saw my dumplings and kept praising them."
Jiangxi was unconvinced and muttered, "They practically watched you grow up, of course they'd praise you! Don't let the appearance of my dumplings fool you—they're big and delicious."
Ruan Zhengdong laughed. "Yours will fall apart as soon as you cook them. Don't believe me? Ask Jiaqi."
"No need to ask her," Jiangxi said. "She's always on your side anyway. You're always bullying me. People forget their mothers after they marry, but you're even planning to forget your sister."
Ruan Zhengdong just laughed.
Jiaqi specially made a sweet filling, saying that whoever ate it later would have good luck in the coming year.
The news was on TV, as usual showing the whole country celebrating the Spring Festival and various provinces and cities celebrating New Year's Eve. "Focus Interview" was reporting on the preparations for the Spring Festival Gala.
"Why is your station so unchanging for decades?" Ruan Zhengdong said. "There's not a single surprise."
"Stability trumps everything," Jiangxi said. "Our station director said that at this time of national celebration, we shouldn't be surprised—just happy is enough."
The dumplings were cooked, one bowl each. Sure enough, the ones Jiangxi made all fell apart, but all three ate with relish. Even Ruan Zhengdong couldn't resist eating several.
He'd barely been able to eat anything lately.
Suddenly, Ruan Zhengdong cried out, "Ouch!"
Jiaqi quickly asked, "What's wrong? Did you burn yourself?"
He just smiled.
It turned out he'd eaten the sweet dumpling with sugar filling. Jiangxi was delighted. "Brother, you'll definitely marry Jiaqi next year, and there will be candy!"
He secretly pinched Jiaqi's wrist. Jiaqi smiled at her, knowing she already knew he'd made a mark on the dumplings.
Jiangxi leaned close to her ear. "You're just like my brother, always favoring one side. I'm definitely going to ask my brother for a big red envelope tomorrow, and you have to give me a big one too."
Jiaqi just smiled.
Staying up late on New Year's Eve was supposed to continue until midnight.
Jiaqi was worried that Ruan Zhengdong couldn't handle it, so around ten o'clock she tried to persuade him to go to sleep.
He refused. "You're all playing. Why am I supposed to sleep?"
Seeing that Jiangxi wasn't paying attention, he whispered to Jiaqi, "Unless you come with me."
"Okay," Jiaqi said.
This surprised him.
Jiangxi just laughed. "I didn't hear anything. I didn't see anything."
Jiaqi accompanied Ruan Zhengdong upstairs. She went back to her bedroom to change into her pajamas and came back, but he'd already closed the bedroom door.
She knocked. "Little white rabbit, open the door. I'm not a big bad wolf. I won't eat you."
He laughed in his room and opened the door to let her in.
His bed was large, an old-fashioned Spanish-style bed with carved pillars on all four sides, quite old. Jiaqi felt the bed was too soft—lying on it made her feel a little dizzy. The two lay in bed watching TV. She turned and hugged him, burying her head in his chest. He lowered his head and kissed her, but it was just a kiss. Nothing more.
The Spring Festival Gala was as boring as ever.
The singing and dancing were tedious, the crosstalk was dull, the skits were stiff, and the solo performances were awful.
Jiaqi joked, "Do you know the director of the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television? Give him a call and tell him what's going on. It's really not good. He should listen to the people's voices."
He thought for a moment seriously. "Hmm, I think I know him, but I've forgotten his phone number."
She laughed and buried her face in his chest.
He told her some stories from his childhood.
"When Grandpa was still alive, no matter how busy we were, the whole family would come back for Chinese New Year. We'd all gather together—more than twenty people, adults and children—it was so lively. After Grandpa passed away, we never had that gathering again. Later, my dad got busier and busier with work, and every year for Chinese New Year, he and my mom would go out to celebrate, leaving just me and Xizi at home."
"This year, even though it was just the three of us, I was very happy. Really, it's been a long time since the house was this lively. This is what a home should feel like."
"Then let's do it like this next year," she said. "Ideally, we'd be married by then, so we can celebrate Chinese New Year with your parents."
He was dissatisfied. "How could you propose first? I have to be the one to propose."
She laughed. "You've always refused, so I had to speak first."
He laughed for a while, but didn't say anything more.
After a long, long time, he suddenly asked, "Jiaqi, do you love me?"
Before she could answer, he said, "Actually, you still love Heping, don't you? That's good, really. Although you told me to give you time to fall in love with me, I'm so glad you haven't. That way, if I'm not here one day, you won't be too sad."
She dared not move, dared not speak, afraid that the slightest movement would cause all her tears to overflow.
"It's good that you haven't had time to fall in love with me yet."
His lips kissed her forehead. She didn't speak, nor did she move. She just let him hold her, kissing her for a long time.
Finally, he didn't move. Jiaqi's arm went numb, and she slowly pulled it away, realizing he'd fallen asleep.
She gazed at his face. He'd lost a lot of weight recently. Sleeping like a child, his hair disheveled. Because of the warmth, a little color returned to his pale cheeks, making her even sadder.
After a while, she also fell asleep.
In the middle of the night, she suddenly woke up, but dared not move.
He didn't turn on the light. In the dim darkness, she could see him trembling with pain, curled up, reaching for painkillers on the bedside table. Even his breathing trembled with pain, yet he was careful, afraid of waking her.
She lay quietly in the darkness.
He finally found the pills and swallowed them.
She dared not move, remaining lying there quietly. She listened to his shallow breathing, his suppressed gasps for air due to the intense pain. As the medication gradually took effect, he slowly fell asleep in extreme exhaustion.
She kept her eyes closed until dawn.
She couldn't even shed a tear.
She waited until Ruan Zhengdong woke up. The two were sleeping intimately, like two children. She rested her head on his arm, nestled in his arms.
He gazed at her and smiled. "Sigh, things got out of hand last night... You'll have to take responsibility for me from now on."
She deliberately played along with his soap opera lines. "I was drunk. I don't remember anything. But I'll take responsibility."
He held her, her face pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Thump, thump... The closeness felt like a vibration, making her feel both safe and uneasy.
"Jiaqi." His voice seemed to come from his chest, deep and resonant.
"Hmm?"
She nestled in his arms, warm and quiet.
But he ultimately said nothing.
Thoughts,
The chapter captures the bittersweet tension between hope and fear as they celebrate New Year's Eve together, creating precious moments of normalcy even as his health deteriorates. The final scene—where Jiaqi lies awake in the darkness, witnessing his silent suffering while he tries not to wake her—powerfully illustrates the depth of their mutual devotion and the heartbreaking fragility of their time together. His statement that he's "glad" she hasn't fallen in love with him yet reveals his fear that his death will cause her pain, while Jiaqi's silent vigil shows she's already far more invested than he realizes.
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