Chapter 17: Qin Xiaoyi's Longing

 

Rarely daring to position herself at the front of the platform instead of hiding in her usual spot toward the back, Hu Xiu stood where she could clearly see that the injuries on Qin Xiaoyi's face remained painfully visible—bruises that hadn't faded, cuts that were still healing.

He had noticed her too. His gaze landed on her briefly before deliberately shifting away, and that single fleeting glance felt utterly devastating—like a door closing just as she reached for the handle.

Rong City had returned to its carefully constructed original state: everything appearing orderly and controlled on the surface, yet fraught with the same hidden dangers and betrayals that always lurked beneath the polished veneer.

Qin Xiaoyi stepped into Rong City with his characteristic unshakable composure, even taking the time to tip an attendant with that particular grace that made every gesture seem both generous and calculated. As he reached the central main road where the action typically began, Bai Luoyu in her elegant white dress intercepted him, concern written across her features. "How did our handsome Minister Qin manage to get injured?"

"Just some romantic entanglements, nothing worth mentioning."

Both his facial wound and the waist injury he was clearly favoring had been caused directly by Wang Guangming's violence during Hu Xiu's disastrous previous visit—the midnight rampage that had shattered the fourth wall so completely. Bai Luoyu had been present that night too, had witnessed the entire ugly scene. When their eyes met now across the platform, Hu Xiu wished desperately that she could hang herself from Rong City's decorative gates in apology and shame. But having only just entered this session, still new to the scene, she didn't dare speak up or draw attention.

Bai Luoyu's eyes possessed a particular expressiveness—they could communicate volumes. Though not as crystalline clear as Lin Qiumei's legendary gaze, they held their own captivating charm that drew people in.

Polite, self-possessed, with just a carefully calibrated hint of wariness—these were women who understood exactly how to handle emotional boundaries and navigate complicated social dynamics.

This observation made Hu Xiu genuinely hesitant about whether to return for future sessions. How could she compete with people this naturally sophisticated?

Hu Xiu randomly drew her Role Package from the available options and discovered she'd been assigned Soviet journalist Herzen from Feng Youjin's storyline group—a character she'd never played before.

Her character's main tasks would take place almost entirely aboard the train, where multiple competing parties would approach her to secure votes and favorable coverage for their preferred candidates during the crucial Soviet-side meetings. The role involved constant negotiation with both players and NPCs alike.

On the first night of this session, Qin Xiaoyi had apparently improvised significant changes to the established script—getting into a dramatically staged fight over romantic affairs that erupted just before the VIP delegation's scheduled arrival.

Ning Zechen played against his usual aloof, cold image with visible amusement, teasing with a particularly crude joke. "Minister Qin seems remarkably popular with romantic scandals lately. Would you perhaps like to review the venereal disease medicine advertisements currently running in the Rong City Evening News?"

Several female players standing nearby burst into laughter at the promiscuous implication, while Feng Youjin deliberately moved closer to them in mock menace, eliciting theatrical screams from the delighted young women.

Mentally repeating three times that pleasing audiences was fundamentally an NPC's professional job, Hu Xiu waited patiently until the first scene concluded before slipping into the train carriage according to her script instructions. But she immediately got blocked in carriage Number 6, unable to proceed—

No wonder she'd never encountered the Soviet characters from Feng Youjin's group in previous sessions. They literally never had opportunities to leave the train! They were trapped by the narrative.

The Soviet journalist's assigned room overflowed with vibrant, thematically appropriate colors: Lenin stared down from Russian propaganda posters mounted on every wall, traditional nesting dolls stood arranged from large to small across the cabinet shelves, the entire space radiating an aggressively strong northern atmosphere.

Through the window, she could see Qin Xiaoyi still actively interacting with various female players on the platform. Having played through most available roles over her many sessions, Hu Xiu could accurately guess their conversation content even through the separating glass.

Qin Xiaoyi laughed brightly, his expression open and engaging. He maintained direct eye contact with the women for ten full seconds before retreating with apparently shy modesty from their enthusiastic gazes—that particular kind of flirtatious interaction was something timid girls like Hu Xiu simply couldn't provide, no matter how much she might want to.

The scene left her feeling profoundly unsettled, almost queasy. Suddenly someone approached from behind—Ning Zechen, his characteristically idle demeanor unchanged. He asked her to publish some manufactured black propaganda about Qin Xiaoyi's supposed crimes—embezzling public funds, secretly trading arms—in the Soviet newspapers, while simultaneously putting in favorable words for Ning Zechen's own candidacy.

Noticing that Hu Xiu kept staring fixedly out the window rather than responding, he glanced outside to see what held her attention and released a knowing chuckle. "I heard you caused quite an memorable scene here on Snowpiercer during my day off. The whole cast has been talking about it."

"It was a complete misunderstanding. Some relationship troubles among friends spiraled out of control—it's actually been trending online recently. You might have seen the coverage."

"We perform five shows daily here—barely any time to look at phones between sessions. I just heard from other cast members that some aggressive guy from your player group physically beat up Qin Xiaoyi pretty badly. See that bruise on his face? Someone really went all out with genuine force..."

"I'm sorry..." The apology emerged automatically, inadequate.

"You didn't personally hit him, so why apologize? But you really do like him, don't you? The way you keep coming here regularly to spend money." His observation was casual but piercing.

"Is Qin Xiaoyi... angry about what happened?"

"I honestly don't know his personal feelings, but from a professional standpoint it's all just part of the job. We've encountered groups like the Wild Horse Gang who specifically book entire venues just to cause deliberate trouble—they've even smashed expensive set pieces in their rampages. Compared to them, your incident was relatively minor. As long as it's not targeted harassment of the venue or specific actors, we treat it as occupational hazard. But—" Ning Zechen's smile carried deeper, more complicated meaning. "You already have a boyfriend accompanying you, yet you're here fawning over Qin Xiaoyi? That's an interesting dynamic."

"That's not my boyfriend." Her denial was immediate and forceful.

Ning Zechen made theatrical tutting sounds, raised his eyebrows in exaggerated skepticism, shook his head as if to say "sure, whatever you say," and retreated from the carriage.

Hu Xiu found herself both angry at the implication and anxious about Qin Xiaoyi's genuine feelings. When other players opened the carriage door looking for her to complete their various quest interactions, she felt mounting frustration. Why had she drawn this particular Role that effectively trapped her inside the carriage for most of the session?

Couldn't Snowpiercer thoughtfully provide some kind of Role Package selection service specifically designed for players who were primarily here looking for Qin Xiaoyi rather than complex storylines?

By the second night after completing her assigned tasks and finally being released from the carriage, she emerged to find Qin Xiaoyi had just exited the prison cell set piece. He was leaning against the train's exterior wall, attempting to light a prop cigar with studied nonchalance.

Everything was theatrical artifice, but Qin Xiaoyi performed with utterly convincing commitment. When the lighter failed to produce flame after several attempts, he made a show of coldly stuffing it back into his pocket with visible frustration. His draped suit jacket slipped off one shoulder during the gesture, and he grabbed it and shook the fabric back into proper place with a sharp movement—neat, clean, completely immersed in his character. He was paying absolutely no attention to Hu Xiu's presence whatsoever.

"What's wrong today? You seem to be in a particularly bad mood." She tried to engage him.

Qin Xiaoyi pursed his lips and signaled with his eyes for Hu Xiu to look upward. A newspaper had already been posted prominently on the wall—a Russian-style publication with Chinese characters reporting that Manchuria's Finance Minister Qin Xiaoyi had embezzled substantial public funds with malicious intent. This was the plot development directly triggered by Hu Xiu's earlier task completion.

"If Minister Qin needs to change the public narrative, you could give me some money and I'll write a favorable retraction."

Qin Xiaoyi extracted twenty thousand in prop currency and extended it. "Help me with something more direct—go to Ning Zechen's room and drug his drink. For his upcoming romantic date with Lin Qiumei, make absolutely sure he can't leave his room. Let him stand her up completely."

Everything remained firmly in character. Hu Xiu accepted the money and whispered urgently, "I'm sorry..."

"Nothing to apologize for. Writing favorable propaganda articles for Ning Zechen is originally part of your journalist character's job." Qin Xiaoyi made it clear he had absolutely no intention of breaking character to chat with her personally.

"I meant—your face... the injuries. Are they okay? Does it hurt?"

"Thank you for your concern." He turned away decisively, making it obvious he wasn't planning to discuss the matter any further.

Hu Xiu hurried to clarify before he could escape entirely. "That man really wasn't my boyfriend. He's just a match my father introduced without consulting me first. I'm not as frivolous as you probably think I am..."

Qin Xiaoyi turned back, and his smile was unusually bright—almost too bright, deliberately performative. "What are you talking about, Reporter Herzen?"

This smile, paradoxically, put Hu Xiu somewhat at ease. In all her previous sessions, Hu Xiu would never have sabotaged Ning Zechen and Lin Qiumei's date like this. Leaving those two to their romantic subplot while Qin Xiaoyi remained available to chat with her in character was her most secretly cherished pleasure, the real reason she kept returning.

But today she didn't dare risk angering Qin Xiaoyi further. She felt viscerally responsible for Wang Guangming pushing him during that disastrous previous session—as though she'd wielded the hands that hurt him.

She carried drugged wine into Ning Zechen's room as instructed. Ning Zechen smiled knowingly but played along perfectly, pretending to develop sudden terrible stomach problems and standing up Lin Qiumei with theatrical apologies.

After completing this particular task, Lin Qiumei approached Hu Xiu and discreetly slipped her ten thousand. "Buy some tonic medicine for Police Chief Ning on my behalf. He needs to recover his strength."

What kind of elaborate love triangle was this script constructing? No matter how desperately hard Qin Xiaoyi tried, Lin Qiumei only ever had eyes for Ning Zechen—it was practically an iron-clad, absolutely unbreakable romantic pairing.

Hu Xiu figured that since she needed to please Qin Xiaoyi anyway, she might as well execute the good deed as thoroughly as possible. She purchased an expensive gift at the department store specifically to present to Lin Qiumei on Qin Xiaoyi's behalf.

Remembering how Lin Qiumei had been standing helplessly nearby when Qin Xiaoyi injured his waist during the previous catastrophic session, panicking and clearly not knowing what to do or how to help, Hu Xiu stammered out her cover story. "M-Miss Lin, Minister Qin specifically asked me to deliver this gift to you..."

"You came on your own initiative, didn't you?"

Hu Xiu didn't quite understand what this perceptive observation meant or how to respond.

"Ning Zechen and I have already reconciled our differences, and Qin Xiaoyi knows about our reunion. If this gift is genuinely from you alone, I'll accept it graciously. But understand—I, Lin Qiumei, don't easily accept gifts from just anyone. Consider this money my gift to you instead, welcoming you properly to Rong City."

People always want to take one additional step when genuinely touched by kindness. Before stepping completely out the door, Hu Xiu left her head visible in the doorway crack one final time. "About what happened last session... I'm truly sorry. It was inexcusable."

"None of us took it seriously to heart. Please just forget it happened." Lin Qiumei's remarkably expressive eyes communicated forgiveness.

As the door closed behind her, Hu Xiu found herself thinking—just how many beautiful and genuinely kind-hearted Non-Player Characters were hidden within this Live Action Role Playing Game's constructed world? That unpleasant, violent incident from last time had now been resolved as gently as spring rain, with the victims actually offering comfort to the person whose guest had hurt them.

When she stepped outside and stood on Rong City's atmospheric main thoroughfare, looking at this condensed yet somehow complete city with its restaurants, clothing stores, department stores, casinos, dance halls, police stations, military bases, train stations—all the infrastructure of civilization compressed into a playable space...

And these actors living within Rong City's borders, inhabiting it night after night—they seemed to constitute an entirely new imagination about what life could be.

Being emotionally sensitive by nature, Hu Xiu tread carefully in her actual reality, constantly second-guessing every interaction. But in this deliberately fictional dimension, no one held reservations or grudges against her. Every time they greeted her with genuinely smiling faces, bearing no resentment despite everything. Even when in-character deception was narratively necessary, their fundamental natures remained kind.

Qin Xiaoyi passed by behind her, his voice carrying clearly. "Did you go court favor with Lin Qiumei on my behalf?"

"I..." Before she could formulate a complete explanation, Qin Xiaoyi's hand suddenly covered the top of Hu Xiu's head and deliberately ruffled her carefully arranged hair. "Don't do things I didn't explicitly ask you to do. I don't want second-rate love or pity affection."

The script's ending for this session indeed featured significant new changes from what she'd witnessed before. Qin Xiaoyi successfully secured the coveted position of Rong City's candidate through political maneuvering.

But his very first act upon winning was to violently drag Ning Zechen off the stage. When Qin Xiaoyi raised his weapon to shoot Feng Youjin and settle old grudges from the prison, Lin Qiumei threw herself between them to block his aim. Qin Xiaoyi's expression transformed into something genuinely bloodthirsty, desperate. "I'll give you everything I possess, understand? My money, my accumulated power, all of it I'll transfer to you without reservation. Will you finally be with me then?"

Watching Lin Qiumei shake her head in gentle but absolute refusal, Qin Xiaoyi drew his gun with trembling hands. Two shots rang out in rapid succession, and both Feng Youjin and Lin Qiumei crumpled to the floor.

Only Qin Xiaoyi remained standing in the middle of the dance hall, and there was no third round of the usual escape chase game—

So this was the Snowpiercer variant ending where there was no final survival competition, where all ensemble members died leaving only Qin Xiaoyi alive among the carnage.

This was Hu Xiu's first time witnessing such a devastatingly bleak finale. Qin Xiaoyi had killed everyone who mattered, and now stood utterly alone under the harsh spotlight, first scattering roses across the bodies, then scattering money with increasingly manic gestures.

The bruise on his face somehow seemed more like a medal commemorating lost love than actual injury. His collar, torn partially open during the violent struggle, revealed pale yet seductive collarbones. Arrogant isolation had become his eternal resting note.

Watching Qin Xiaoyi's profile as he performed this tragic ending, Hu Xiu felt herself deeply moved in ways she couldn't fully articulate. Such a conclusion suited Qin Xiaoyi's character absolutely perfectly.

Though desperately lonely and clearly painful, the ending was heaven-made for his particular face and temperament—as though he'd been born specifically to embody beautiful tragedy.

By the time the entire game session finally finished, it was already 1:30 AM. Sitting in the lounge reviewing the evening's events, Hu Xiu saw Qin Xiaoyi emerging from backstage after work wearing just a casual shirt, and her heart physically skipped a beat.

Having changed clothes quickly after his early exit from the game floor, his shirt collar still wasn't properly flipped, the actors gathering near the front desk to clock out and wait for elevators.

When Qin Xiaoyi's eyes found Hu Xiu among the dispersing crowd, he deliberately slowed his pace and positioned himself to wait behind the mass of other performers. Two elevators arrived simultaneously, and the other actors crowded efficiently into the right one. The left elevator stood empty except for potential occupancy by Hu Xiu and Qin Xiaoyi—the already small enclosed space promising to become intensely quiet and awkward.

Qin Xiaoyi, standing just behind Hu Xiu in the lobby, held the other elevator door open with one extended hand.

Hu Xiu quickly followed him inside, her heart hammering.

Everything seemed to move according to some unspoken tacit understanding.

Then Ning Zechen suddenly inserted himself just as the doors began closing, glancing with obvious mischief at the visibly blushing Hu Xiu. "Seems this particular elevator can't possibly fit me anymore—three would be an uncomfortable crowd."

Before the metal doors could fully close, he stepped dramatically backward with exaggerated long strides, leaving behind an absolutely sly grin as the narrowing gap finally sealed.

Hu Xiu, already drowning in nervousness, felt her anxiety worsen to nearly unbearable levels.

She had mentally rehearsed the scenario of walking out of Rong City alongside Qin Xiaoyi countless times over countless sleepless nights—besides that one cinematic rainy encounter, she'd imagined cozy scenes of strolling side by side through city streets or snuggling together in dark movie theaters.

But she couldn't decide what actual lines to say when given the opportunity, couldn't master the subtle facial expressions required. If she allowed herself to get emotionally carried away, she might contort her features awkwardly and risk being laughed at.

As the elevator began its ascent toward street level, Qin Xiaoyi leaned casually against the back wall, positioned just a step and a half away. During the mechanical rise, that brief moment of physical weightlessness sent involuntary shivers cascading down her spine.

This was such a rare, precious opportunity...

"You performed... really, really well today." The words seemed to escape Hu Xiu's lips entirely involuntarily.

She'd meant to turn around casually while speaking, only to discover Qin Xiaoyi was already looking down at her with an unreadable expression.

"Haven't you already watched Qin Xiaoyi's tragic ending multiple times in previous sessions? There's no real need to keep seeing it again. When you come to play in future sessions, don't worry so much about winning or losing the game. Just enjoy the experience."

The phrase "I came specifically to see you" had been circling in her mind all day like a trapped bird, but Hu Xiu forced herself to hold it back. Instead she asked, "Do you still remember me from session to session?"

"Of course I remember..."

"If we're close enough now, you don't really need to maintain such formal distance... We're friends now, aren't we?"

"Maintaining appropriate politeness toward you is simply part of an actor's basic professional standards."

The elevator continued rising slowly as Qin Xiaoyi murmured, almost as if speaking to himself rather than to her directly. "Qin Xiaoyi's character arc doesn't have any kind of genuinely great ending anyway—it's all so utterly tragic. He ends up with both wealth and political power, but romantic love remains permanently out of reach."

Before Hu Xiu could formulate any response, the elevator doors slid open. Another group of NPCs was simultaneously emerging from a different elevator nearby. The mall had officially closed for the night, and people were filtering out through the emergency exit in small clusters. Qin Xiaoyi deliberately walked at the very back of the group, seemingly holding the door open for her.

As Hu Xiu passed through the threshold beside him, she heard his unexpectedly gentle voice. "It's extremely late. Please be careful on your way home."

"Okay... I will..."

The entire brief conversation felt like nothing substantive had actually been said. No real ambiguity lingered in the air between them, nor was there anything concrete for Hu Xiu to dwell on or analyze later.

In a week's time, she might even forget the precise details of Qin Xiaoyi's face. She'd need to purchase another ticket to enter Snowpiercer again and wait through an entire session for his ending just to see him scattering money across that tragic stage—

If he won his storyline and performed that particular finale, she'd get to observe him for slightly longer... but the waiting between sessions was absolutely agonizing.

In the distance, clusters of actors chatted casually near the building's entrance. Lin Qiumei's real-life boyfriend had come to pick her up after her shift ended—

It was the same actor who played the alternative version of Ning Zechen that Hu Xiu had encountered in a previous session. The two embraced with obvious sweet affection, while another nearby actor pulled an expensive drone from their equipment bag, enthusiastically calling everyone over to help test fly it.

The young men and women gathered outside the mall late at night, tirelessly fiddling with the erratically flying drone despite the hour. Qin Xiaoyi stood slightly slouched in his casual attire—just a shirt and shorts that revealed a surprisingly toned, muscular build with smooth, athletic curves. Out of costume and character, he somehow stood out even more distinctly than when playing his role—and exuded a certain natural sensuality that the period clothing actually concealed.

Hu Xiu positioned herself in the distant shadows waiting for her ride, but found herself completely unable to tear her gaze away from him. As she watched, she began noticing the subtle, almost invisible dynamics operating among the gathered actors.

Everyone scattered in playful chaos, laughing and chasing the wobbling drone—everyone except the real-life couple consisting of the other Ning Zechen and his clingy girlfriend who played Lin Qiumei. Those two remained locked in an embrace on their spot. And then there was...

Qin Xiaoyi's footsteps, Hu Xiu realized with sinking recognition, unconsciously followed the movements of the actress playing Lin Qiumei. Even though the woman stood firmly by her boyfriend's side, rising on tiptoe to act coquettishly before being lovingly enveloped in Ning Zechen's arms, Qin Xiaoyi would track her position before retreating to the sidelines. He'd pull out his phone and stare at it with false interest before listlessly joining the drone calibration with the others.

Several colleagues chased the drone through the parking lot in energetic playful banter, while Hu Xiu could see with painful clarity the indescribable desolation radiating from the slightly slouched posture that Qin Xiaoyi had adopted.

She had experienced that exact feeling herself—knew it intimately. The depth of her own infatuation with Qin Xiaoyi made her instantly recognize how utterly tormenting those unresolved feelings became when manifested in someone hunching over with lowered head, trying to disappear.

Qin Xiaoyi's evident affection for the actress playing Lin Qiumei had clearly carried over from the drama into real life—the frantic, desperate pursuit and unrequited love that existed within Snowpiercer's story had transformed seamlessly into a secret, hopeless crush offstage.

Even when deliberately concealed beneath casual behavior, truly observant eyes could still detect it. At the very least, Hu Xiu had seen through it easily, recognized it instantly because she was living the same experience herself.

The September night breeze hadn't yet turned genuinely cool, yet she felt her hands and feet growing icy cold. A shiver ran through her entire body, making even her breathing tremble audibly.

During the game sessions, she had simply liked Qin Xiaoyi—enjoyed the fantasy, the performance, the escape. She'd never seriously considered this attraction as something that needed to transcend beyond the drama's artificial boundaries into messy reality.

But now, watching Qin Xiaoyi secretly yearning for someone else who would never return his feelings, a suffocating tightness filled her chest. The swelling pain and involuntary trembling reminded her powerfully of when she'd first developed genuine romantic feelings for a boy during her early girlhood.

She had mustered courage to approach him back then, young and naive. The boy had bounced a basketball deliberately toward her feet, and when she caught it and looked up, he'd lowered his head brushing past her cheek as though intending to kiss her—but had only flashed her awkward young self a mischievous, teasing smile before walking away laughing, leaving her standing there confused and aching.

That profoundly unsettled feeling of not knowing what would happen next, of teetering on some precipice—it had given her the sensation of touching the dangerous edge of something forbidden, a kind of adolescent anxiety that was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying.

She hadn't experienced that same frantic, desperate feeling since then, Hu Xiu realized. But now the aching pull in her chest felt exactly like that earlier panic, except this time she understood with adult clarity exactly what it meant.

This was genuine romantic attraction toward Qin Xiaoyi—raw, unmistakable desire.

It couldn't be stopped anymore. Once desire took root and began growing, there was absolutely no halting its progress. From this precise moment forward, she no longer wanted to keep Qin Xiaoyi safely confined to the drama's boundaries, nor did she want to continue merely acting opposite him within Snowpiercer's constructed fiction.

If Qin Xiaoyi could experience genuine romantic feelings and develop real affection for other girls in actual life—not just perform emotions but feel them authentically—then what did that make her? What was she, who had once thrilled to playing the female lead's role during that rainy night scene?

Reckless, greedy desire to possess the other person was consuming her completely, burning through every rational objection.

I want to make you belong to me.

Thoughts:

Hu Xiu's assignment to the trapped Soviet journalist role becomes a metaphor for her own trapped position—able to observe Qin Xiaoyi interacting with others but unable to truly reach him. The actors' kindness in forgiving the previous incident demonstrates the generosity that makes Snowpiercer feel safer than real life. Qin Xiaoyi's tragic ending where he kills everyone and scatters money in isolation perfectly mirrors his real emotional state. 

The elevator scene creates genuine intimacy but Qin Xiaoyi maintains professional boundaries, speaking of his character in third person as though disconnecting himself from the role. The devastating revelation comes in the final scene: watching Qin Xiaoyi unconsciously follow the actress playing Lin Qiumei with his eyes, Hu Xiu recognizes unrequited love because she's experiencing it herself. This recognition transforms everything—she can no longer pretend this is just harmless fantasy or safe role-play. The chapter ends with Hu Xiu's internal declaration "I want to make you belong to me"—a shift from passive admiration to active, possessive desire. The parallel between Qin Xiaoyi loving someone unavailable and Hu Xiu loving Qin Xiaoyi creates perfect tragic symmetry.