The two of them stood on either side of the narrow bar counter eating steak. After a couple of bites, Luan Nian turned to squeeze himself some watermelon juice. Something seemed to be sitting heavy in his stomach, and he badly wanted something cold to drink. It didn't help that he'd glanced over and caught Shang Zhitao with her eyes lowered, her long lashes trembling slightly, setting off an itch in him he couldn't quite scratch.
Must be because it's been a while, he told himself. Luan Nian couldn't come up with any better explanation, and chose to ignore the thoughts he'd had about Shang Zhitao before. His glass was mostly crushed ice with a little watermelon juice, and it took some effort to tamp down the heat rising in him. Then he heard Shang Zhitao ask, "Could I have a glass of watermelon juice?"
She was thirsty too. Her legs felt the slightest bit weak, though she couldn't have said why.
Luan Nian set a glass down in front of her. He watched her finish her steak and drink the juice, and she seemed to be enjoying herself, her eyes curving into a smile, soft in a way that wasn't usual for her. When she finished, she thanked him, her manner obedient and neat. "Thank you, Luke. I won't bother you any longer."
Shang Zhitao put on her coat and walked to the door. She meant to turn and say goodbye, but when she looked back she found him leaning against the wall, watching her with a look in his eyes that was different from usual, somehow deep and unreadable. She thought of the ache that had risen in her chest earlier that night, watching him sing on stage, and the words of farewell caught in her throat. She just stood there looking at him, her eyes uncertain, carrying some feeling she couldn't name, couldn't trace to its source, and didn't know where it would go.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" Luan Nian asked, his tone flat.
Shang Zhitao shook her head.
"Are you the type to have a one night stand?" he asked next, as though it were something he did all the time.
No one had ever asked her that before. She'd always believed, in her shallow way, that sex and love were bound together. But with Luan Nian asking her now, her thoughts scattered. She shook her head, then nodded. Her body drew back on instinct, only to find herself pressed against the door by him.
His kiss came over her like a wave, leaving her breathless. Part of her wanted to leave, but the moment her palm found his heartbeat, she gave in. Shang Zhitao couldn't tell whether it was desire or something closer to feeling, only that she wanted to stay.
Luan Nian tasted the sweetness of watermelon on her tongue, the faint chill of crushed ice, and beneath it the clean scent of her, unlike anything he was used to.
Once a young woman's feelings are stirred, she pours out everything churning inside her, holding nothing back and yet soft and yielding at the same time. Even with Luan Nian rough with her, she thought it was wonderful.
What Luan Nian wanted was something uncomplicated, a physical relationship without the burden of feeling, without the effort of maintaining it. Stay together while it worked, part ways when it didn't. He found himself a fine excuse for it: falling in love took too much out of a person.
Shang Zhitao's palm rested against the skin of his neck, and she never dared open her eyes. Sweat soaked through both their clothes. Luan Nian never took his shirt off the whole time. Right there against the door of his home, they had their first time together, fierce and consuming.
She would never forget that night. Some time after she and Luan Nian had gone their separate ways, on a day when the wind was blowing hard, she sat by her window watching the northern gusts tear the branches ragged, and the memory of that night came back to her without warning. She might never again feel that kind of reckless passion. Luan Nian had planted something in her that pulled at her for years afterward, and she could never take the first step away from him.
When it was over, neither of them said anything. Looking back on it later, she couldn't even trace how it had happened. The feeling had come on so suddenly, and everything that followed had been so intense that there hadn't been room to think. When Shang Zhitao finally came back to herself, she realized she'd become part of Luan Nian's string of romantic entanglements, and the thought struck her as absurd, childish. She wasn't the type to make a show of something like this, though she suspected Luan Nian could end it without a word if he chose to. She tried carefully to guess at what he was thinking, and figured he probably wasn't interested in dwelling on it either.
She thought it over for a moment, then spoke. "Luke, just now, I mean, that was an accident. We're both adults, one night stands happen, let's not make this awkward. Thank you." She thanked him again, then turned her back to get dressed. Once she was fully clothed, she stood. "Well, I'll get going." She decided to chalk up what had happened between them to a moment's impulse, so there'd be no awkwardness the next time they met. She had no idea whether Luan Nian felt he'd come out on the losing end of it, but she certainly hadn't. If anything, she thought the whole experience had been wonderful.
Was this how people usually said goodbye after a one night stand? Should she have left him some money? He'd given good service after all. Her thoughts ran wild as she walked out the door. Luan Nian said nothing the entire time.
But once outside, Shang Zhitao found herself regretting it. Why hadn't she stayed a little longer? She'd never get the chance again. She was nearly at the gate of his apartment complex, the night wind strong enough to make her hesitate, when she gritted her teeth and turned back. She put her hand on the doorbell, but before she could press it, Luan Nian opened the garden gate himself and pulled her inside.
Still without a word, he carried her up to the bedroom on the second floor. His clothes brushed against her face, and her lips found his on their own. Her eagerness caught him off guard. He set her down on the bed and leaned over her, his voice rough as he asked, "Why did you come back?"
"I thought about never getting the chance again, and it seemed like too much to give up." It wasn't like Shang Zhitao to be so bold, and she seemed to have spent every ounce of daring she had in her whole life on that one night. She genuinely loved the feeling of being close to him. It was wonderful.
Luan Nian pressed his lips to her neck, his teeth grazing her skin lightly, and murmured, "Whenever you want. Anytime."
Shang Zhitao felt as though her body had been remade. When she and Xin Zhaozhou broke up, she'd assumed she would never be with anyone else again, that her body could only belong to him. Now she understood how wrong she'd been. Once a woman broke free of those old assumptions and let herself follow instinct alone, freedom came far more easily than she'd expected.
It was wonderful.
They barely spoke that night, locked in a silent kind of struggle, drawing each other in again and again. Shang Zhitao felt as though she'd turned into the mud left behind after an early spring rain, shapeless no matter what.
It wasn't until near dawn that they thought of sleep. Neither of them was used to having someone else in the bed, not Shang Zhitao, not Luan Nian. He was set in his ways, wouldn't even keep a live in housekeeper, and never slept beside a woman. They lay on opposite sides, each holding their own edge of the blanket. Shang Zhitao thought to herself that people who had one night stands probably left right after, and it was only couples who stayed the night. She cleared her throat and asked, "Luke, do you have a guest room?"
"Next door."
"Can I sleep there?"
"Sure."
Relief washed over her. She threw her clothes on haphazardly and went to the room next door. The night had worn her out so completely that she was asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. Her nerve really was something.
Luan Nian couldn't sleep. What exactly had happened last night? Why had he made a move on Shang Zhitao? He found himself doubting his own judgment, including that line he'd said. Whenever you want. Anytime.
Damn it. Had he lost his mind? All she had to do was want him and that was that? Would he ever lose control like that again? Impossible. He felt a flicker of irritation too. Who would've guessed she was that open minded, one night stands being no big deal to her. Fine, great, glad you feel that way.
He lay there turning things over in his head for a long while before finally drifting off. He slept better than he had in ages. Last night's exhaustion seemed to have flipped some kind of switch in him, making sleep come easily. He didn't know how long he'd been out, but when he opened his eyes it was already evening. He felt strangely refreshed, clear headed and in good spirits. He got up to shower, then remembered the guest room next door and knocked. "Time to get up."
No answer.
He pushed the door open. The bed was made, not a trace that anyone had slept there. On the pillow sat a note. A few words, written in a bold, sweeping hand that spoke of someone quick and decisive: "Thanks for the hard work last night, Luke."
Thanks for the hard work? Was she treating him like some kind of hired hand? Left a note and slipped out without so much as a goodbye?
Luan Nian found himself laughing despite his irritation. This woman really was something. He tossed the note into a drawer and headed downstairs, in unexpectedly good spirits, whistling as he made his way to the gym and got on the treadmill. His heart rate climbed, and the rush of endorphins from the workout felt good, though not quite as good as the night before. Shang Zhitao, that obedient looking girl, had shown a surprising amount of passion. He thought of the small sound she'd made, the way she'd cupped his face and sought out his lips, as if trying to give their recklessness a gentle ending.
Tan Mian called and asked him out for drinks. Luan Nian agreed, changed, and left.
He still carried a certain languor about him, the satisfied kind, along with a touch of swagger. Tan Mian's eyes swept over him a few times, and he smiled, clearly reading into it.
"What?" Luan Nian sat down across from him.
Tan Mian pointed at his face. "It's written all over you. Good night last night."
Luan Nian raised an eyebrow but didn't answer, which only made Tan Mian more curious. "New girlfriend?"
"No."
"A regular hookup, then? Didn't peg you for the type."
"What type would that be?"
"Someone who does casual one night stands."
"None of your business."
Luan Nian couldn't be bothered to explain. This was his own business, and he had no interest in laying it out for anyone else. But Tan Mian wouldn't let it go. "Can't tell me? You never used to keep secrets."
"You want me to introduce you or something?"
"So you really do have someone." Tan Mian was determined to get an answer. He didn't have much else to entertain himself with, and having stumbled onto something this interesting, he wasn't about to let it drop.
Luan Nian leaned back in his chair, looking half alive, and after a long silence finally tossed out a single word. "Accident."
Calling it an accident meant ignoring entirely how long he'd been planning it. The moment his eyes had landed on Shang Zhitao back in Guangzhou, the thought had already taken root in him, ugly and persistent. He'd been holding himself back and scheming against himself at the same time.
"Accidents happen. Men and women in the city run into them every day." Tan Mian gave him a knowing look.
"You really do stick your nose into everything," Luan Nian said.
By rights he should have regretted what happened the night before. He liked to think of himself as a fairly shallow man, someone who didn't need a woman to be especially talented, just good looking. He simply had a weakness for beautiful women. Striking looks sparked something in his mind, fed his creativity. Shang Zhitao was an ordinary girl, nothing sharp about her, nothing that matched what he usually looked for.
And yet he didn't regret it. If anything, he felt strangely pleased. That morning he'd sworn to himself he'd never touch her again, and already he found himself wavering. It caught him off guard. He'd never been the type to drag things out, to leave loose ends.
What was wrong with him today?