Zao Chun Qing Lang | Extra Chap 13: Luan Nian Won't Lend Her the Money, He Shows Her His Will Instead

Shang Zhitao's branch office was located in the same business park as Lin Chun'er.

That park offered some government subsidies and housed a number of business incubators, so rent was relatively cheap. She leased a three-story office building; the rent and renovations ate up most of her savings. Someone suggested she take out a business loan, but after thinking it over for a long time, she decided against it.

The renovation had started earlier, while Shang Zhitao was still tied up in Ice City. Sun Yu, lumi, and Lin Chun'er took turns keeping an eye on the work for her, and Luan Nian would stop by whenever he was back in Beijing. Shang Zhitao felt bad about troubling everyone so much, but lumi just laughed at her for not getting it. "Isn't that what friends are for? What, are we supposed to eat and drink and have fun together, then vanish the second something actually needs doing? That would make us terrible people."

The rent alone swallowed most of her money, and Shang Zhitao realized just how fast money could disappear; blink and there was hardly any left, so she kept the renovation simple. In Lin Chun'er's words, this was "minimalist industrial style." But she spared no expense on the office equipment. Labor costs in Beijing ran high, and she still had a business deposit to pay, so her funds were stretched thin.

That evening, before hiring began, while Luan Nian was teaching Niantao her colors, Shang Zhitao passed in front of him several times.

She hesitated, clearly with something on her mind, but couldn't bring herself to say it.

Shang Zhitao had never once borrowed money from Luan Nian. Even though they were married, she still thought of his money as his own.

That night, after Niantao had fallen asleep, the two of them lay in bed. Luan Nian asked how things were going, and she walked him through it in detail.

"Isn't there something you want to tell me?" He'd noticed her pacing back and forth all evening.

Shang Zhitao didn't know how to begin. Her finger traced circles on his chest, and after a long silence she finally said, "Could you lend me some money?"

"How much?"

"About one point two million." She'd had Sunny help her run the numbers. Hiring twenty-five people up front, a million in staff costs could keep the company afloat for three months. What happened after that would come down to luck and fortune.

"No."

Luan Nian disliked the word "borrow." He always felt it made things feel distant between husband and wife. He'd never wanted to keep strict accounts with Shang Zhitao; the two of them had been tangled up together for so many years there was no way to sort out who owed what anyway. Since it couldn't be untangled, better to just stay tangled, for good.

"Oh. Then I'll think of something else."

"Like what?" Luan Nian asked.

"I'll ask Sun Yu. Lumi. Chun'er. I have plenty of rich friends..."

"Are you out of your mind?"

Luan Nian sat up and glared at her, and the two of them squared off under the dim glow of the night light. After a moment he picked up his phone and sent her a file.

"What's this?" Shang Zhitao asked, before opening it.

"My will."

"What? Are you out of your mind?" Shang Zhitao hated this kind of joke. The word "will" felt almost cruel to her. She glared at Luan Nian, so worked up she was practically panting.

Luan Nian took the phone from her, opened the file, and held it up in front of her. It really was a will. Her fingertip scrolled down the screen, past a full breakdown of their current assets and how they were to be divided. He told her, "It's notarized. When the time comes, go find Song Qiuhan and Lin Chun'er. We share the same lawyer."

Tears spilled down Shang Zhitao's face. "What are you doing? Why would you write a will? Why would you do this?"

"I'm about to laugh at you, Mrs. Shang Zhitao." Luan Nian pinched her chin. "Why are you crying? I'm not dead. This is just a way of handling things, it's quite common these days. I saw Song Qiuhan looking into it a while back and followed his lead. Chen Kuannian's done it too, and so has Tan Mian."

Shang Zhitao wiped her tears, but couldn't resist a jab. "He's all on his own, who's he leaving all that money to?"

"Donating it to a foundation."

Luan Nian wiped her tears for her, none too gently. "Done crying? Once you're done, listen to me."

Luan Nian cupped Shang Zhitao's face in his hands. "I want to grow old with you, but life is unpredictable, and it's never wrong to plan ahead. Can you agree with that much? There's something else I want to say. I don't like the idea of drawing hard lines between what's yours and what's mine after marriage. Maybe that's how you see it, keep things separate so it's easier to walk away clean. But that's not how I see it. I want us to have the shape of a real, traditional family. Everything I have, my whole life, belongs to you. That's the safety net for you and Niantao. Do you understand?"

"I don't want it. I can make my own money." Shang Zhitao didn't care for this kind of solemn, self-sacrificing gesture. Ever since giving birth to Niantao, she'd grown especially afraid of falling ill. She used to be careless with her own life, but now she wouldn't even stay up late. She used to be reckless, but now she'd become careful.

She'd grown afraid of losing things, and could no longer afford to.

Luan Nian looked at her for a long moment, pulled her back down to lie beside him, and turned off the light.

In the dark, both of them lay there with their eyes open.

"I'm not going to lend you a million. Because you already have the right to use every cent I have. If that doesn't sit right with you, then think of it as our shared living fund, and once your cash flow improves you can pay it back in."

"All right."

Shang Zhitao pulled him close.

That night left a deep impression on her. She knew Luan Nian loved her, and she knew he loved Niantao, but what was the real truth of marriage? Some people said marriage was like two people running a company together, that only with the right direction, a workable strategy, and a fair division of labor could it last. Shang Zhitao used to agree with that. But now she felt her marriage to Luan Nian wasn't like a company at all. It was more like a seed buried in the ground, the two of them faithfully watering it, feeding it, clearing away the pests, waiting for it to grow. It didn't need any grand ambition the way running a company did. It just needed tending.

"I'm glad Niantao's temper doesn't take after mine," Luan Nian said suddenly. He knew he'd always been difficult, that there was a stubborn, prickly streak in him, the kind of thing people called being "finicky." During Shang Zhitao's pregnancy, he'd sometimes thought that if Niantao turned out like him, that wouldn't be so bad either, at least she'd grow up to be a girl nobody wanted to cross. But it would also have worried him, made him fear she'd struggle to make friends, that she'd feel lonely. Better if she took after Shang Zhitao instead: never fighting for things, working quietly toward her own goals, free of envy or complaint, tenacious. That kind of person could make real friends easily too.

"I'm glad she doesn't take after you either." Shang Zhitao let out a soft laugh in the dark. If Niantao had his temper, she'd be stuck dealing with two foul moods in the house, and that would be too much to bear. Sometimes, watching Luan Nian look after Niantao, she thought the hardest challenge he'd ever face in life was probably keeping himself from being completely won over by his own daughter.

He likely didn't even realize how impossibly gentle he became whenever he was with her.

Luan Nian slid his hand under her nightgown and pinched her waist. "Say that again?"

"I won't." Shang Zhitao felt a small sting and fell quiet. She felt his hand move, his palm pressing against her skin and sliding slowly upward, the calluses grazing her, leaving a faint itch behind.

The night was maddening.

Under the blanket, neither of them dared make a sound, sweat beading on their flushed faces. Shang Zhitao reached to throw off the blanket, and Luan Nian pulled it back over them. Even as he misbehaved, he said, "Don't wake our daughter."

"Your daughter wouldn't wake up if it thundered right over her."

"Still not happening."

Luan Nian covered her mouth with his own until she felt she could barely breathe. Heat and pleasure took turns wearing her down, leaving her a little frantic. Finally she bit down on his shoulder. "I don't want the blanket."

"Fine."

Luan Nian got out of bed, carried her to the bathroom, and shut the door. "You can make noise now," he told her.

Shang Zhitao thought Luan Nian played favorites far too openly. "You only love Niantao."

"Is that so?" Luan Nian laughed. "Nonsense."

The two of them carried on for a while, then showered, and once they lay back down in bed, they found they couldn't keep their eyes open and slipped into a deep sleep.

===

Shang Zhitao's branch office finally launched.

On the day it officially opened, Sun Yu arranged a small ribbon-cutting ceremony for her, saying it would bring good luck.

Shang Zhitao thought all the fanfare was a bit much, but she couldn't talk her friends out of it, so the ceremony went ahead.

That day she put on light makeup and dressed especially well. There weren't many people there to watch, just the dozen or so employees already on board and a handful of friends. Feeling it looked a little thin, she invited her friends to cut the ribbon alongside her.

"Absolutely not." Lin Chun'er turned her down. "This is your big day. We're just guests and minor shareholders. But I'd suggest inviting your company's silent major shareholder to cut the ribbon with you." She meant Luan Nian; Shang Zhitao had used a sum of his money to get started.

Luan Nian stood off to the side putting on airs, clearly wanting to join in but waiting for Shang Zhitao to ask him properly. Watching him look so arrogant and insufferable, Shang Zhitao burst out laughing and asked, "Would General Manager Luan do me the honor?"

"If I must."

Luan Nian gave a small smile and came to stand beside her.

Shang Zhitao pulled Lin Chun'er and Sun Yu to the other two sides; they had each put in a bit of money as well.

More than nine months on, Shang Zhitao had finally gotten close to her pre-pregnancy shape. Lin Chun'er was warm, Sun Yu was sharp and capable, and Luan Nian carried himself the way he always did. Standing there together, the group of them outshone anyone else around.

Scissors in hand, the photographer called out, "Everyone cut on three," then checked his watch for the auspicious moment.

Luan Nian suddenly turned to Shang Zhitao. "Shang Zhitao. Welcome back to take Beijing by storm."

Something stirred deep inside her. That single line seemed to hold more than ten years of her life. From the rainy day she'd dragged her luggage out of Beijing Station, to the day she left, to the day she came back.

It felt as if her best years were already behind her, and yet also as if she were still living them.

A thousand feelings rose up in her at once.

At the big dinner that night, Sun Yu and Zhang Lei drank a great deal. At one point they came over and pulled Shang Zhitao aside. Zhang Lei raised his glass to the sky. "To brotherhood."

"To our youth." Sun Yu's eyes reddened slightly.

"To the years." Shang Zhitao said.

Time was something both visible and invisible.

Visible at the corners of the eyes, at the temples, in the fine lines that start to show and the white hairs that start to grow. Invisible in the heart, in the people you've met and the things that happened to you, memories you can call up but can no longer touch.

Nothing in Shang Zhitao's life had ever gone smoothly, one obstacle after another, never quite easy, but she was content. Contentment had always been her way of getting through things. And it was only because of that contentment that she'd never missed out on a single small, even trivial, sweetness life had to offer.

That night, little Niantao fell asleep early. Shang Zhitao sat cross-legged on the bed, Luan Nian sitting across from her. She said, "I want to talk to you about something."

"About what?"

"About the last ten-some years."

Shang Zhitao wanted to start from the very first year. She felt a little embarrassed, knowing she was about to ramble on and on, turning into someone who couldn't stop talking.

"Will it get on your nerves, me going on like this? Will it wear you out? Or are you tired right now? If you're tired, go to sleep first, we can talk another time."

"Shang Zhitao." Luan Nian said her name. "I can stay awake with you until dawn."

Until the next dawn, and the one after that.

Any of them would do.

As long as they still had things to say to each other.