He suddenly laughed, wild and handsome.
"Matchmaking? You sisters are devoted, aren't you? One is willing to grab, the other willing to give way. Does Fourth Miss think Shen is easy to fool, or has she taken me for an idiot? Isn't your second sister set on marrying into the Marquis of Danyang's household? Are you planning to wreck her good match and profit from it yourself?"
Qingyuan froze. She could not work out how he knew something so private. The Palace Command oversaw investigation and imprisonment across the whole country, but surely it did not pry into the inner affairs of private households this thoroughly. The thought frightened her. She stared at him anxiously and began to wonder whether he truly had eyes and ears everywhere, or had simply reasoned it out from everything he had seen at the banquet today.
"My second sister has not been promised to anyone. A daughter of one family is sought by a hundred, so Third Young Master Li and the Commander are both free to try. There is no harm in trying." She kept her voice even, then tried bargaining with him. "Shall we move out of here? Have someone brew two cups of tea, and we can sit and talk. It's dim in here and the next room is full of people. If this is misunderstood, my reputation suffers, which is one thing, but the Commander's face is dragged into it too. Think it over: wouldn't you lose more than you gain?"
Her words changed nothing. Since taking charge of the Palace Command, Shen Run had stood in a cat-and-mouse relationship with every important official at court. He was used to holding everything in his palm, and he had to hold the advantage absolutely. This slip of a girl had looked sweet and endearing at first glance, but on closer acquaintance she turned out to have a talent for overcoming force with softness. She could smile her way out of a tight spot. She was no boudoir girl who spent her days on poems and paintings. She was a general among powder and rouge.
If he had been somewhat too angry earlier, offended over the matter of the jade pendant, then his mood now had been replaced entirely by mockery. It was like their meeting that night in the narrow alley. He had seen beauty in her lonely, slight figure, and he had also seen the pitiable posture of someone surviving in a crack between walls.
People said the Palace Command was a crowd of fine-robed, vicious men. As for kindness, there was not much of it among them, and only a girl like this could stir up a little. To pity her and to tease her did not seem to conflict. He admired clever people. With his experience, a few sentences were enough to judge a person's character and whether they were worth knowing well. Xie Qingyuan had caught his eye from the day she waited alone in the reception hall. Her graceful bearing, standing perfectly straight and motionless for the time it takes to drink two cups of tea, had told him she could keep her composure.
Perhaps only people of a kind are drawn to each other. In his present position, marrying the daughter of a prince or marquis would be effortless, let alone an official's daughter. But a life that goes too smoothly has no grain. Someone who loses her head at the first setback could not be allowed through the gates of the Commander's residence. This one was better. The Shen family had weathered storms, and it did not care about the distinction between legitimate and concubine-born daughters. She wanted out of the fire pit, and he had a ready-made nest waiting to catch her. The two of them could settle it in a single stroke. Why not?
They stood so close that he could see the soft down on her young face. She had beautiful eyes, and smooth, full cheeks and ears. Strange, when everything about her seemed innocent, yet she was so full of scheming, like a gorgeous golden spoon laced with poison, deadly after a single mouthful.
"Get the pendant back and keep it safe." For him, giving ground on his attitude was already the greatest compromise he could make.
Qingyuan knew that haggling at a moment like this would only spoil things, so she nodded.
He finally lifted the hand he had braced beside her and slowly straightened up. With his sharpness sheathed, he even had a scholarly elegance.
Qingyuan could at last breathe freely. That brief spell had felt like a tug-of-war between life and death.
The little side room was dim, with only a single shaft of light falling through the half-shuttered window. Fine blue dust turned and drifted in that line of sunlight, and one corner of his indigo-purple robe happened to catch it, outlined at once in a dazzling gold edge. Qingyuan always felt she could not see through this man. Even today he showed one face, and when she saw him again tomorrow, he would present another.
Standing facing each other was awkward. Next door the bili was still playing, and she spoke late, over the shrill noise. "I don't know whether I can get it back as it was, now that it has fallen into my second sister's hands..."
Especially since it had been sent out under Li Congxin's name. Qingru would probably smash it before she handed it back. The whole mishap had come from her misjudging Shen Run's attitude from start to finish. She had assumed that what he forced on her that night was a passing whim. She had not expected it to be more.
Shen Run frowned. "I'll find a way to get it back. But if Fourth Miss loses it again, I will come to your door and demand an account."
Qingyuan's heart tightened and she nodded quickly. The matter had ended with more thunder than rain, but the problem the pendant left behind was still there. After turning it over for some time, she folded her hands together and said, "Commander, I am a dull person. I have stayed in the inner quarters all my life, but I know propriety. By rights I cannot accept things from an outside man, least of all something so personal as a pendant. With it in my keeping, I sit on needles every day. But the Commander refuses to take it back, and I have no choice. I only ask that you not make it known and that you protect my face. Whenever you want to collect it, I can return it at any time."
She made it sound like a pawnshop: she had taken his object only to hold it for him, and there was no question of feelings between a man and a woman. Shen Run was far too sharp for that. He narrowed his eyes and said, "Fourth Miss surely has something else to say?"
"There is more..." Qingyuan lowered her head, and it was a while before she raised it. Her large eyes looked at him pleadingly, and her tone was close to begging. "The Commander must already know my background. I have a grievance that has not been cleared. My mother died without anyone knowing the truth, and I cannot let this rest. I only came of age this May. If anyone comes to propose a match, I will have to leave the Xie family, and I cannot leave now. I don't know what the Commander intends to do with me. I have thought it over and over: from the very beginning, I have felt only awe and admiration for the Commander, and I have never slighted or offended you. Would the Commander be merciful and spare me this once? If from now on we keep to our own paths, I will count that as your favor to me."
The powerful official said nothing. He studied her with a mocking gaze, and only after a long while gave a soft snort of a laugh. "Fourth Miss's devotion must comfort your mother. But there is one thing Shen doesn't understand. You ask Shen to spare you. If someone else comes to your door, will you go and beg them too? Or is anyone acceptable so long as it isn't Shen Run? Seen that way, it isn't that Miss offended Shen Run. It's that Shen Run offended Miss."
Again she said nothing, and her silence set his teeth on edge. Just as he made up his mind to oppose her out of sheer stubbornness, she said, "If it were someone else, the old lady and Madam would still let me decline politely. But if it were the Commander... I'm afraid I would have no say at all."
That was baring her heart. The Xie family wanted to attach itself to the Commander's household; he had seen that clearly from the day they sent her to his door alone. After he took an interest in her, he naturally looked into everything about her. The Xie family had never meant to take back this daughter who had been left outside. It was only because the household had never known peace, and they suspected Concubine Jin of casting spells, that they went to such lengths to take her back from the old Chen couple. To the Xie family she was like an object to guard the house. When the terms offered were not tempting enough, they could simply keep her. If her marriage should one day open the road to the capital for them, her value would finally be realized. Then the guarding would be all the more fitting, and she could be handed over.
Yet he did not believe this was her whole reason. He had meant only to tease her, but the more she said, the more thoroughly it all came out, and he wanted to dig for the deeper story. "Is that all? If Shen gave you two years to settle your own affairs, what would you think?"
Qingyuan smiled uneasily. "Have the Commander and I reached the point of discussing marriage?"
"We haven't?" he asked with feigned surprise, then smiled boldly, his eyes burning. "I thought that after all our close encounters, Fourth Miss had already accepted Shen in her heart. Not yet?" He glanced back at the door. "A man and a woman alone in one room. This is already settled beyond change. Or perhaps Fourth Miss should come out with me now and hear what your brothers think?"
He made as if to leave. Alarmed, she caught hold of his sleeve. "Commander, you know very well there is nothing between us. Why deliberately take this on yourself? If you walk out of that door, at worst you gain a tale for people to relish, and my reputation is ruined. If that happens, the Xie family will certainly demand an answer from you. Are you truly willing to become connected to the Xie family by marriage?"
If he wanted the daughter and not her family, the connection would be one in name only and could not touch him in the least. But he came from a family of scholars and ritual, and had read the Four Books and Five Classics since childhood. He knew how much a girl's good name mattered. A joke was a joke, but carried too far, one careless moment could ruin her beyond recovery. He knew where to stop.
He looked down at the hand holding his sleeve, sighed deeply, and said, "Enough. If we're not going out, we're not going out. Can Fourth Miss let go of me now?"
Qingyuan withdrew her hand and smiled sheepishly. "Thank you, Commander."
He straightened his sleeve, turned, and paced in the column of light. The gold glow washed over his brows and eyes, and his easy, unhurried calm made it seem as if the light came from him and not from the sun.
"The truth is, when Shen gave the lady the pendant, his intentions were simple. He didn't think about all that. Who knew it would set off all these thoughts in you? Put that way, the fault is Shen's. But since Fourth Miss is so anxious and afraid, let's sort this out properly. You don't want me sending anyone to your door, so there must be another reason. Have you and Li Congxin come to love each other?"
He turned the accusation back on her without a flicker of embarrassment. Qingyuan realized that with her thick skin and her scheming, it would be very hard to argue things out clearly with him. As for refuting him, there was no need. Hardly anyone in the world would call giving someone a pendant a matter of simple intentions. She passed over those words, which left the question of Li Congxin. She shook her head. "Third Young Master is a man of fine character from a distinguished family. With my background, I won't go asking for a rebuff."
There was still some wistfulness between the lines, since Li Congxin's feelings for her had been sincere. But how long does love between a man and a woman last? When the tenderness between two people fades, what remains is a huge, trivial household to run. All kinds of people to deal with, in-laws above and nephews and nieces below, sisters-in-law and wives of brothers-in-law on the side, endless rambling gossip. If she really entered a household like that, it would probably be ten thousand times harder than life in the Xie family.
Shen Run seemed fairly satisfied with what he heard. "Then Miss has someone else in her heart?"
Qingyuan shook her head again. Dealing with this Commander grew stranger each time. He pressed her about her private affairs, and she felt she had to answer. What right did he have, when you thought about it? Only that he had forced a pendant on her without a word, and somehow it was as if a contract had been made.
Or was it that she feared him too much? She glanced at him. His arrogant, unrestrained manner made her afraid again for no reason. Suddenly she felt that all this dodging was senseless. Just as she had told Baoxian and the others at home, she should simply say what was in her mind, and perhaps that would end it once and for all. So she gathered her courage and called to him. "Commander, there is no need to ask further. In any case, I will not be anyone's concubine. If the pendant can be retrieved, please take it back. Keeping it here has no justification. I am a girl of the inner courtyard, and holding an outsider's things is not proper."
She had said everything that had been circling in her heart. Only afterward did she notice her cheeks burning, and the heat spread from beside her ears down into her crossed collar. Partly it was the weather, and partly it was this sudden boldness. Perhaps he would think less of her for it, and decide this little concubine's daughter was putting on high airs, resisting and inviting again and again, wanting in the end the dignity of a principal wife. Next he would mock her and remind her not to forget her origins or think too much of herself. Still, cutting through the tangle in one stroke was not so bad. If she did not want to get involved with him, a few words to clear it up meant no more circling.
Qingyuan had prepared herself to take a few sneers, but things did not go quite as she had imagined.
Shen Run was indeed briefly surprised by her words "I will not be anyone's concubine." What surprised him was not the sentence itself, only why she thought he meant to make her a concubine.
"Fourth Miss does not fear power, and she has backbone." He frowned slightly as he said it. She stood with the light behind her, a strand of hair fallen loose at her temple, which gave her a kind of disordered beauty.
Qingyuan spoke in the same even tone, neither humble nor arrogant. "The Commander knows my mother was a concubine. The Xie family threw her out like a cat or a dog, and she still carries the charge of murder. I asked my Chen grandmother what kind of person my mother was. She said she was gentle and meek, and that she died of pent-up grief not long after giving birth to me. That shows how much wrong she suffered. If she were alive, she would never agree to let me walk her road. No woman in the world likes being someone's concubine. I know how the Commander sees me now: aims higher than the sky, with a life thinner than paper. But since that is what I think, there is nothing to hide. I would rather never marry than be someone's plaything. I ask the Commander's forgiveness."
Shen Run said, "Mm. Speaking from the heart is no bad thing. But when did Shen ever say he would make Fourth Miss a concubine?"
She looked at him in confusion, no longer sure what he meant. He held the rank of second grade, a rising favorite of the court and a man the emperor valued highly, the ideal match in the eyes of many daughters of great houses. Would he be associating with an unregarded concubine's daughter like her with an eye to a proper ending?
Obviously not. Qingyuan said with a smile, "The Commander never said so. It is Qingyuan who feels unworthy and dares not reach so high."
Shen Run was silent for a moment. He had meant to say something, but in the end gave it up. She was simply too young, and saying too much might frighten her.
"I'll get the pendant back for Fourth Miss." His voice was low and husky. He reached out and tucked the fallen strand of hair behind her ear. Fingers used to wielding swords could create the finest atmosphere. Under her stunned gaze he gave her a lazy smile. "Shen's words remain the same: keep it safe. One of these days Shen may come to inspect it. If Fourth Miss can't produce it then, don't blame Shen for being impolite. I'll tell your old lady, and you may not even get to be a concubine. You'll be a bed-warming maid instead. Remember that?"
The gesture frightened Qingyuan out of her wits. She nodded blankly.