This was not Qingyuan's first trip to Shangjing, but both times she had gone because of Shen Run.
He must already know everything that had happened in Youzhou. Li Congxin's return, her plan to come to Shangjing to find him: none of it could have escaped his notice. Sometimes it was convenient and easy to have a person like that nearby. You did not have to rack your brains to explain yourself. You only had to stand in front of him, and he knew what you would do next. It was a pity that she had enjoyed the convenience for so short a time, as if she had stolen a privilege that belonged to some luckier person. Now that it was time to give it back and settle things, she found, thinking it over, that she was reluctant.
Seeing her grave face, Baoxian said gently, "Miss, have you made up your mind? If you're still unsure, why not wait a little longer?"
What good would waiting do? It would end the same way. The longer she delayed, the more she would think, and the deeper she would sink. That would be bad for everyone. She lowered her hand and closed it around the small mirror-flower silk pouch. She had looked at the taotie pattern inside so many times that she could tell by touch which part of the beast she was feeling, and which notch of the jade.
"It's my own fault," she said, forcing herself to stay composed. "I didn't think it through..."
Baoxian felt sorry for her too. "Two of the finest men in the world, and you met both of them, Miss. One alone would have been good fortune. Two arriving together is trouble."
True enough. But she had met them both, gone a long way around, and still chosen the first one she had met. The other would inevitably be let down after all his good intentions.
From Youzhou to Shangjing was an hour on a fast horse. Her carriage was slower and would take nearly two. The last time she entered Shangjing it had been in the middle of the night, and she had been too shaken to look at the scenery. Today was better. She passed through Jicheng Gate in the afternoon, and when she lifted the curtain to look out, the streets were full of people coming and going in spite of the heat. They were not only local shopkeepers and buyers. Foreign merchant caravans in strange clothes led camels loaded with goods, strolling down the main road as if they owned it, the camel bells clanging in a long, drawn-out chime.
Qingyuan drew her hand back and asked the servant boy, "How much farther to the Front Palace Command?"
He leaned out to look ahead. "Once we pass Guangyun Gate we're in the inner city. The Front Palace Command is across the moat. You go over the drawbridge and in through Gongchen Gate... But I'm afraid our carriage won't be allowed in."
"Mm," said Qingyuan. "The imperial city is not like the outside. Stop at the gate, and I'll walk in myself."
She remembered that night when she had entered the city. Even Shen Run, going out in person, had had to pass checkpoint after checkpoint. Now, when they reached the long bridge, there was nowhere left for the carriage to go. She stepped down and went to the guards at the post to make a courtesy. "Sir, would you please pass on a message? The fourth daughter of the Jiannan Circuit Military Governor has urgent business and asks to see Commander Shen."
She was, after all, the daughter of a second-rank official, so the guards at the post showed her some courtesy. They only asked her to wait a moment, and one of them, hand on his sword, went up toward Gongchen Gate.
The heat rolled over them, with not a breath of wind. A maid held a lotus-green silk parasol, and the girl beneath it stood straight, upright and composed, neither humble nor proud, even before a row of armored officers. She was lovely, every feature perfectly in place, as refreshing as a clear spring in the dry, scorching midsummer. The guards' eyes drifted over to her and away again, lingering a moment, deliberately or not. They began to wonder privately what her relationship with Commander Shen could be. Had the Commander's luck in love finally turned, and some girl actually taken a liking to him?
Soon the man who had gone to deliver the message came back and gestured with his hand. "Miss, please."
Qingyuan had not expected it to go so smoothly. She bowed her thanks and stepped onto the long bridge. It stretched perhaps a dozen zhang, and only when she reached the middle did a hint of cool, damp air blow past. She quickened her steps. Beyond Gongchen Gate was the Front Palace Command. Someone inside must have given an order, because she met no obstruction afterward. A eunuch came to lead her, bowing at the waist. "Please follow me, Miss."
The great hall of this office was familiar to her. She followed the eunuch in, and the deeper she went, the more uneasy she became. However many times she had seen Shen Run, her heart still raced each time he appeared. She had always considered herself steady. Her calm and composure were for other people to see. How she really was inside, only she knew.
She wanted to see him and was afraid to. She still remembered the embrace in the garden last time, the solid chest, the security it had given her to lean on. But today's visit would probably end in a parting on bad terms, and the thought saddened her. The truth was, she rather liked his arrogance, and the self-satisfied way he indulged in sharp talk, saying, "Fourth Miss could not bear the pain of longing, and has finally come to find Shen Run."
She sighed, dispirited, and her steps would not come lightly. At last she reached the depths of the hall. The seat was empty. He was not there. She asked the eunuch in surprise, "Honored attendant, is the Commander not here?"
"No," said the eunuch. "The Commissioner told me earlier to come out and receive you, Miss. Our Commander seems to have official business... He has stepped out for the moment."
"Oh," said Qingyuan, nodding to him. "Thank you, honored attendant. I'll wait a while."
The eunuch folded his hands in salute and withdrew, leaving her alone in the vast, deep hall.
He knew why she had come. He did not want to face it, so he did not dare to see her. While Qingyuan waited in the hall, someone stood with his hands behind his back in a corner tower not far off, looking out. The lattice window was open. She stood among the staggered bamboo blinds, head slightly lowered, thinking about something. Her figure seemed to carry a touch of sorrow.
A good girl fears a persistent suitor. After all his tireless, self-deluding pursuit, she ought to like him a little by now. But however resourceful he was, he could not control how things developed. It was not that a mere Li Congxin left him helpless. It was only that, for her sake, he could not lay a hand on that young nobleman.
Sometimes a girl who keeps her word too faithfully is not a good thing. She held herself back too much and examined herself too much, and however hard he tried, she was still unmoved. He watched her figure. He wanted to see her and did not dare. It pained him to leave her waiting, but if he went to her, he feared she had come to say goodbye, that from now on they would go separate ways and never cross paths again.
Shen Che stood beside him, watching his brooding face, arms folded. "Are you planning to hand her over?"
Shen Run frowned. "I never expected the Marquis of Danyang and his wife to be so helpless against their own son. They're imperial relations. Surely they care about their reputation!"
Shen Che held back from saying that Shen Run himself cared nothing for face, so why would the other family, so far from the emperor in the mountains, be afraid of anything? Now the matter was laid out in front of them. One man could marry, and the other would marry as soon as she agreed. The Commander had been busy for over a month, and now he watched the meat slip out from between his teeth. The blow was not a small one.
"Why not find someone else? Whether in Youzhou or Shangjing, there are plenty of girls more likable than Miss Xie the Fourth. Look at her..." said Shen Che. "She's still a child. She's stubborn, and she has no sense of romance. Every time you make eyes at her, she's like a block of wood. I get embarrassed for you..."
The moment he finished, the Commander's glare cut toward him. "When did I ever make eyes at her?"
Shen Che rubbed his nose and did not dare argue. "Then maybe I misread it..." But he went on, "If you're interested in a girl, a glance or two is nothing. But now Chunzhi has his parents' orders behind him, and with Miss Four's temperament, she'll probably settle it."
Shen Run listened, and after a long while he snorted. "Can a person's habits be changed so easily? Li Congxin is a notorious dandy. He's only acting pure in front of Miss Four. Fooling a young girl is possible, but he can't fool me. At the Dongyao night banquet, how did he end up drunk with his head on a beauty's lap? Time and again he got tangled up with girls from decent families, and how did he work to smooth over each case? Do you not know? Or do I not know? With that nature, he'll probably turn out to be another Xie Shu, full of affection but short on constancy. Not like me. Once I choose someone, it's for life."
Shen Che listened to this self-praise with an awkward smile and said a few things to go along with it.
"Then what does Brother plan to do? If you go straight to Chunzhi, I'm afraid he won't give way."
There were roundabout methods in plenty, and Miss Four's decisive temperament had its advantages, but he could not rush. He had to wait a little longer. He looked at the figure by the window for a long moment. Hiding was no solution. He could avoid her today, but not tomorrow.
Over there, Qingyuan was gripping the pouch so tightly, for so long, that her palm had grown hot. She did not know whether he was deliberately avoiding her. She had been standing here a full quarter of an hour. Perhaps he had made up his mind not to hear her say it plainly. If so, it no longer mattered whether she said it or not. She opened her hand and took the beast-face jade out of the pouch, stepped forward, and placed it in the very center of his desk. When he came back he would see it, and once he saw it he would understand. The entanglement of little more than a month came down, in the end, to this one piece of jade. Once returned, it would be over. See, it was not so hard after all.
Still, she felt a lingering attachment. She looked at it carefully for a moment. It had been on her person for so long that it seemed to have become part of her body. But there was nothing to be done. It had never belonged to her. She reached out one finger and carefully wiped the face of the beast, with its glowering brows and angry eyes. When she was done she drew her hand back and prepared to take her leave. But as she turned, she suddenly saw someone standing behind her. She gasped. "Oh! Commander, why do you walk so quietly? You gave me a fright."
Shen Run did not answer. He shifted his gaze and glanced at the jade. "Miss Four has come to return a token?"
Qingyuan choked, then said with her head lowered, "It was never a token. You left it with me for safekeeping, Commander. The time has come, so it should go back to its owner."
He said nothing. He fixed his eyes on her, a gaze that seemed to pierce her heart. Under it she suddenly felt ashamed, like a faithless person who must submit to the questioning of her own conscience.
It would not do for them both to stay silent. Qingyuan said, "The Young Marquis has returned to Youzhou. You must already know, Commander. Since I promised him, I must keep my word. You are a dragon among men, Commander, and some day you will surely find a fitting match. I am truly ashamed to have received your regard..."
"You needn't feel guilty," he said suddenly. "I forgot to tell you, I'm getting engaged in the next couple of days too."
Qingyuan's heart stumbled, and she was thrown into a panic. But she could not lose her composure, could not let him see anything. She smiled. "That's good news. I haven't even congratulated you yet, Commander..."
"Mm," he said. "You know the young lady as well. You met her once at Huguo Temple a few days ago."
Her eyes moved as she thought, and she shook her head. "So much happened that day, and my mind was in a mess. I don't know which lady you mean, Commander."
His expression was indifferent, his voice cool. "The second daughter of Prefect Mu. Her grandmother introduced her to you all that day. Surely Miss Four doesn't remember nothing?"
Only then did Qingyuan recall her: the tall, fair, cool beauty. As for looks, the Prefect's daughter was beyond criticism. Standing beside him, she would be a very fitting match.
She said a long "Oh." The realization in her tone was only half there, and the rest was entirely hollow regret. "I've met the Prefect's daughter. Our old lady praised her as complete in every way. You are truly fortunate, Commander. But... didn't she go to the palace for the selection?"
No elder who truly cared for her descendants would be willing to push a daughter into that pit. Commander Shen had never been a man of selfless public spirit. He took money and did favors for people, and besides, the girl's health really was poor. With a little maneuvering in between, she was struck off the list. This time, though, he took no silver from the Mu family. He made one small request: that it be announced publicly that the Mus' second daughter would marry Commander Shen. The Mu family hesitated, but since their daughter could get out of the great selection, they did not quibble over the rest. Besides, with the Commander's rank and wealth, she would not be disgraced even if she really did become his wife, so they agreed at once. As for him, he knew Li Congxin was determined to win, and obstruction alone would no longer work. He needed a front for the moment, so he could go on with what came next.
"Miss Four has forgotten what I do. The Front Palace Command's agents reach everywhere. Keeping a person back is as easy as deciding to dispose of one." As he spoke, he watched her expression closely. This girl was truly capable of great things. There was not the slightest flicker. He could not tell whether she was too self-possessed, or whether she truly did not care that he was marrying someone else. He felt displeased, and went on in a low voice, "I forgot to tell you, Miss Four, your third sister has been selected. She has entered the East Court of Yeting Palace as a Talented Lady. The decree from the palace will reach your household tomorrow."
Qingyuan nodded. "The Earl of Kaiguo's family is coming to ask for the wedding date, and Third Sister has entered the palace. It's true that there is no banquet that never ends."
There was more regret for her sister in her words than for him. He gave a cold laugh. "If I hadn't sent your third sister into the palace, she'd have stayed beside you as a danger. She was raised by Madam Hu. Don't expect her to be of one heart with you. Sending her into the palace makes her easier to control. Some day, when there's a chance, she can be sent far away, and that will be that."
Even now he was thinking of her welfare. Qingyuan's guilt deepened, but apart from a word of thanks there seemed to be nothing else to say.
She thought a moment and said, "Then let me congratulate you first, Commander. I'm afraid we won't have another chance to meet." All their earlier meetings had been arranged by him. Once each went their own way, their fate would end there.
A faint, mocking smile touched the corner of his mouth. "And I congratulate Miss Four, who can finally be rid of Shen Run."
She was startled. She looked up at him, but quickly looked away again, and said in some confusion, "It's getting late, and I still have to get back to Youzhou..."
But he seized her wrist and pressed her. "Youzhou is not a step away from Shangjing. Miss Four made a long journey to find me. Was it only to return a jade pendant? Not because you missed me, wanted to see me, wanted me to find a way again, to win a future for you and me?"
Qingyuan was driven into a corner. Everything in her heart had been guessed exactly, but a person living in the world must consider other people's feelings. She struggled. "Commander, please conduct yourself properly."
"No," he said, and pulled her into his arms with force. "Miss Four, we were this close once. Have you forgotten? Li Congxin comes back and you tell me to conduct myself properly. Miss Four, you really are heartless."
Qingyuan's face flushed red. He was always like this. If he had no power or position, he would be nothing but a street ruffian. She was anxious too. People came and went at the Front Palace Command. What if someone saw? She pleaded softly, "Commander, you promised to make a decision once the Third Young Master came back. A man, a real man, should keep his word."
Keeping his word? He had no idea what that meant anymore. He only knew how slender and soft the waist beneath his palm was, and that her delicate frame was even more boneless than he had imagined.
A girl's fragrance could not be blended from any precious incense in the world. It was hers alone. He leaned closer, his dazed gaze moving over her face, his faint breath almost meeting hers, and murmured in a low voice, "Miss Four, don't marry him. Marry me, will you? I'll treat you well. I'll give you whatever you want. I'll never let you suffer a wrong. All right?"
Qingyuan was shy and embarrassed. Guards walked past the window from time to time, and though they kept their eyes straight ahead, it did not mean they had not seen. She was truly angry now, and said sharply, "Shen Run, if you keep this up I'll lose my temper!"
He paused. At the lowering of his eyes, the man who was usually so arrogant and wild showed a wounded kind of weakness. "I lost my temper long ago. How can you still not see it!"