When Commander Shen lost his temper, someone usually died. This time he said it with such reproach in his voice that she would not have noticed if he had not told her outright.
Was he really angry? Qingyuan looked at him closely. He was frowning, and his eyes were slightly misty. They had stood this close before, but never in broad daylight, face to face, with the tips of their noses almost touching.
His palm was warm against her back, and she could feel a faint tremor in it. People said the Commander of the Front Palace Command was fierce, cruel, a man who covered the sky with one hand. No one knew that he was better at stealing a girl's soul with a gentle tone and a peculiar, aggrieved sadness.
She looked at him, and for no reason her heart stirred. She was not afraid of him. She liked him very much. Perhaps they were the same kind of person; she could not remember who had told her that only those alike are drawn to each other. But each of them had a future to go toward, and a hair's breadth of error at the start becomes a thousand miles at the end. Li Chunzhi was good, and so was the second Miss Mu. If the two of them were broken apart into four, it would give everyone the fullest happiness possible.
Back in Hengtang she had heard vaguely that the Surveillance Commissioner's wife and her father had nearly become husband and wife. Each had later married elsewhere, and they still visited each other often, which was not bad at all. But she and he had better not meet again. If they did not meet, she would not think of him, and after a long time she would forget.
"Don't be angry," she said, frowning. "There are many good girls in the world. Miss Mu is better than I am. She has a good family and good looks... She's prettier than I am."
"Nonsense." He looked displeased. "I don't like girls who are too tall."
He liked one like her, with a delicate face and a small figure he could lift in one embrace.
Sweetness crept over her. The warm afternoon breeze, the swallows circling the rafters: all of it was the loveliest ornament of midsummer. They stood so close, and she knew the pose was improper, yet she could not bring herself to pull away.
Footsteps sounded faintly at the hall door. Some tactless fool called out from far off, "Comm..." Before the word "mander" left his mouth, Shen Run snatched the brush-washer from the desk and hurled it. It burst on the floor with a crash, and after that the world went quiet.
But the noise woke Qingyuan, and she hurried to pull away. His arm only tightened. His breath came fast, and he bent toward her, closer and closer, about to press against her lips.
She turned her face aside in a rush and stammered, "Don't. I'll be afraid..."
He stopped at once. With a soft sigh he released her and leaned on the desk. "Forgive me. I couldn't help myself, and I frightened you. But when you called me Shen Run just now, even as a threat, I thought my name sounded rather nice in your mouth."
Qingyuan laughed despite herself. "Is the Commander praising himself again?"
"No," he said. "It's only that you called me by my full name, and it felt close. When we meet again, just call me Shen Run."
She felt sad. There would probably be no such chance, but she could not say so. The more she said, the more mistakes she would make, and she would wrong both him and Li Congxin.
"Take good care of yourself from now on," she said, as lightly as she could manage. "I will be well too, so don't worry about me. I could never thank you enough, so I won't say more."
When she finished she turned toward the hall door, feeling a little ashamed. This visit had turned into something like a secret meeting. She wondered whether Baoxian had seen.
Shen Run knew she was about to leave. He took his sword from the wall. "I'll see you out."
Qingyuan shook her head. "There's no need. My carriage is waiting outside the palace gate. I'll go back by myself." She said it as she retreated, down the steps and onto the paved path, then smiled. "If I'm still in Youzhou when you and Miss Mu marry, I'll send a gift and be sure to claim a cup of wedding wine."
He did not answer. He only watched her. She stepped back, made a curtsy, turned, and went toward the hall door.
The moment she crossed the threshold, Baoxian came up to meet her and took her arm. "Miss, have you said everything?"
Qingyuan nodded. "Let's go back."
She was low in spirits all the way. When Baoxian asked what was wrong she only smiled and said nothing. After a long while she sighed. "I suddenly feel as if I have lost my footing. If Madam comes after me again, I don't know whether I'll still be able to fight back."
Baoxian understood. People are lazy by nature. With someone dependable behind them, the heart stays calm. When that support suddenly vanishes, the loss is harder to bear than never having had it.
She patted her mistress's hand to comfort her. "Once the engagement is settled, you only have to wait to marry out. After that nothing in the Xie household will concern you, and Madam can hardly come to the Marquis's house to harm you. A fine future is waiting for you, Miss."
Qingyuan leaned against the carriage wall and slowly grew calm. "That's true," she said softly. "I want to go back to Hengtang, back to the Chens. Grandfather and Grandmother are getting on in years. If I live nearer, I can look after them."
So it went. A life could not go smoothly in everything; where there was loss, there was gain. They reached home from Shangjing after dark. She went into Huifang Garden to report to the Old Lady that Third Sister had been selected as a Talented Lady and that the imperial decree would arrive at the door the next day.
The Old Lady was stunned for a long while, as though she could not understand why Qingrong had been chosen. In her mind that girl was not outstanding. She had been born as if it hardly mattered and had grown up as if it hardly mattered. In looks she fell short of Qingyuan and Qingru, and in talent she could not match Qinghe. Yet she had been chosen. Once in the palace she could never come out again, and could only climb ever higher. The Old Lady thought back and realized she had never taken that child seriously. Now that she had gone into the palace, she suddenly felt deeply sorry toward her.
Still, taken as a whole, it was one more ray of light after days of gloom. The eldest girl was promised to the Earl of Kaiguo's family, the fourth girl was about to be matched with the Marquis of Danyang's family, and the third girl had entered the palace as a Talented Lady. Even with the stain of the second girl, the Xie family could just about face its ancestors. The Old Lady brightened again and stroked her knee. "Very well. When the Young Marquis comes tomorrow, we'll settle the engagement. Going to Youzhou and Shangjing and back in a single day must have worn you out. Go and rest well, and when you're rested, we'll start afresh."
Qingyuan said yes and left the main hall. She had spoken of resting, but she did not rest well. She dreamed countless dreams that night. In the middle of the night she reached under her pillow to feel for the little pouch and found nothing. Suddenly she woke and remembered that she had already returned the jade to him, and that in a few days he would be engaged to another girl.
Grief welled up in her and her heart ached, so sour that all sleep left her. She got up the next morning with a muddled head, and Li Congxin had already arrived early.
The main hall was crowded. Morning greetings had just ended and the mistresses and concubines of every household had not yet dispersed. An old woman from the Hanging Flower Gate came in to report that the Young Marquis was waiting outside. "Oh," said the Old Lady. "It's terribly hot. Quickly, invite him in."
Li Congxin had been shocked by what had happened to the Xies' second daughter, but it did not shake his resolve to marry Miss Four. He bowed deeply to the Old Lady in her seat. "I took your advice, Old Madam, and slept on it for a night. My heart today is the same as yesterday. I will marry no one but Fourth Sister."
Everyone present was glad to see it settled. With Miss Four's origins, being able to marry into a marquis's household was already enormous good fortune. Only Madam Hu was acutely uncomfortable. Qingru had been left neither human nor ghost, and Chunzhi Gege, the man she cared about most, had probably learned the whole truth by now. She might once have fought for a place there, but now her face was truly lost.
The Old Lady sighed deeply. "Since the Marquis and his wife have been kind enough to favor this match, and the Young Marquis is so sincere, I have nothing to say against it. My son is away and it can't be helped, so I'll make this decision myself. We'll settle the engagement first, and when my son returns in triumph, we will hold the proper ceremonies."
Li Congxin was overjoyed and bowed deeply. "Thank you, Grandmother, for granting this... and thank you, Madam, and all the aunts and concubines."
He really was a likable boy. Everyone laughed, and Madam Jiang chimed in teasingly, "Already changing how he addresses us? Then shouldn't we be giving him the money for it?"
Qinghe had been standing beside Qingyuan all along. Seeing the engagement settled, she smiled and cupped her hands to her. "Congratulations, Fourth Sister. I've been hoping for this for a long time. Now we'll have each other for company."
Qingyuan only smiled. She held no particular obsession over the great events of life, and if it was settled, then it was settled. Still, a girl discussing her own marriage is always a little shy. She lowered her eyes, and to Li Congxin even Miss Four's shyness looked poised and graceful. His mother might not like her yet, but once she came through the door, the whole household would come to know her worth.
Before, he had had to weigh every word when speaking to her. Now, at least in the garden, he could walk openly at her side.
He looked at her, and the heart that had been hanging in the air finally settled back in his chest. He knew about her entanglement with Shen Run. Yesterday she had gone to the Front Palace Command, and though he had not liked it much, he did not mean to press the matter.
She, for her part, had no intention of hiding it from him. She said plainly, "I went to see Shen Run yesterday. Did you know, Third Young Master?"
He felt easier for it. "Mm. I heard."
Qingyuan hesitated. "He had left something with me earlier, and I went to return it... Are you displeased that I went, Third Young Master?"
Li Congxin laughed. "Why would I be displeased? Your going to see him actually puts my mind at rest. It tells me Fourth Sister has made up her mind to marry me, and what more could I ask for? The only thing lacking is that you still call me Third Young Master. I'd like to hear you call me Chunzhi Gege. Never mind the engagement. With my friendship with your brothers, it wouldn't be improper for you to call me that."
His gaze was intent and deep. In all the warm days to come, it would probably be this kind of quiet, steady comfort.
Qingyuan's round fan covered half her face, leaving only a pair of delicate eyes. The young girl looked endearingly shy. Now that she was to change how she addressed him, she was still a little bashful, and she raised the fan higher until it hid her whole face. Behind the thin, gold-threaded gauze, only a faint outline showed. "Chunzhi Gege," she said, and the sound of it was enough to melt his heart.
Li Congxin flushed for no reason at all. He was barely twenty and had seen plenty of the pleasure quarters, but with Qingyuan it was different from any other girl. His fondness was mixed with a trace of awe, and he did not dare show off or take liberties. He had worked in every way to win this engagement and handled it with great care. Hearing those four words linger on her lips, he suddenly felt that all the hardship of the past month had been worth it. His whole-hearted devotion had been repaid. This girl would be his from now on.
Only the formal ceremonies had not yet been held, and that was the one thing lacking. He thought for a moment. "The fighting beyond the pass shouldn't drag on much longer. I had meant to send the betrothal gifts today, but since the Old Lady has spoken, waiting until the Military Governor returns in triumph is not unreasonable. I thought it over last night. Handling everything myself seems a little disrespectful. We have plenty of time anyway, so I'll bring my mother here, and when the six rites have all been completed, we'll... get married."
Marry. When she heard the word it still seemed far away. But a girl's time in her maiden days is short. Once she had come of age, the day she married out was not far off.
She said, "All right. But it's such a long way, and it will tire your mother. Perhaps we needn't make a great fuss over the betrothal gifts. When Eldest Sister married, my brothers sent her off from this side. We could do the same."
He did not insist. "I'll see to it. Don't worry." The two walked slowly side by side along the shaded garden path. After a few steps he stopped again and called, "Fourth Sister."
Qingyuan did not know what he meant to say and looked at him in puzzlement. He tried to appear composed, but his smile would not stay hidden, and he said, flustered, "I... I'm just too happy. I never dreamed I could marry you."
Qingyuan laughed. "It's I who am marrying up. I'm the one who should say she never dreamed it."
"No, no..." He waved his hands in a hurry, then gathered his courage, took her hand, and closed it in his, speaking with complete sincerity. "I have never cared about your origins. It's you I care about. My grandmother said so too: your mother may well have been wronged, but in a great household some truths get buried, and after a long time no one wants to disturb them."
Qingyuan was deeply comforted. "Your grandmother must dote on you very much."
Li Congxin smiled. "Grandparents always cherish the generation after next. I was raised at her side, and since she loves me, she will love you too."
But that love all rested on him, and the first condition was that his eyes had to hold her.
The Young Marquis had had his way in everything all his life. This engagement had cost some trouble, but in the end it was done. The Xie household had suffered through the second daughter's disgrace, but what followed went smoothly. The decree appointing the third daughter a Talented Lady arrived, and two days later the Earl of Kaiguo's family's gifts requesting the wedding date came to the door. The eldest daughter's wedding was set for the eighth day of the second month.
In Youzhou's noble circles every rumor traveled fast. The Old Lady's old friends came calling now and then and praised the three sisters at length, carefully skipping the second daughter, as though she had vanished, as though she had died. Even when the Old Lady explained, deliberately or not, they showed no intention of humoring her. A word turned over on the tongue, and the conversation slid on to something else.
One day the Prefect's old lady of the Mu family came to visit. After a long, idle chat about household matters, they came around to the palace selection. The Old Lady sighed. "I looked at your second girl that day and could find no fault in her from head to toe. How did she end up struck off?"
The Prefect's old lady smiled. "It was simply her lack of luck. She has been frail since childhood. We raised her in the palm of our hands. I won't hide it from you, Elder Sister: if she were sent to the palace, I fear no one would look after her. With the child away from me, I could not rest easy."
"Yes, of course," said the Old Lady. "With a frail constitution, she is safer kept at home. And she's so lovely that she'll never lack for a high official to ask for her."
The Prefect's old lady laughed at this. "Thank you for the good wish. As it happens, the wife of Prince Keqin has just acted as matchmaker and come to our door on behalf of the Commander of the Front Palace Command. I had my doubts at first. The Shen family may be glorious now, but they suffered disaster earlier, and if anything happened there are not many relatives in the clan who could help. But thinking it over, having no parents-in-law to serve is not a bad thing for a girl. You and I have both been daughters-in-law. When a mother-in-law lays down rules, it is nothing like being at home, and one suffers for it." She laughed again. "I'm being selfish, I admit. But taking everything together, it is a good match. Our girl has been pampered all her life and is frail, and cannot bear hardship. With no one above her to make things hard, as long as the young couple get along, it saves a great deal of trouble. Besides, the Front Palace Command is the office closest to the Emperor's favor. An alliance there will help us too."
The Old Lady murmured agreement, but felt a pang of regret herself. But what could be done? A girl could not be promised to two households. And the Marquis of Danyang's house stood somewhat higher than the Shens in rank. For her fourth girl to be engaged there was quite good enough.
Still, the fourth girl was probably not happy. The Old Lady looked around for her without thinking, but she was gone, and the Old Lady supposed she had gone back to her own courtyard. She was about to send Yuequan to check when she happened to glimpse, outside the lattice window, the girl and Qinghe talking in low voices, laughing as they spoke. The Old Lady felt a stir of wistfulness. Qingyuan truly had great wisdom and a steady nerve. If there had really been nothing between her and Shen Run, no one would quite believe it. Yet once she had resolved to keep her promise to the Young Marquis, she put Shen Run down, and that was that.
After the Prefect's old lady had been seen off, Qinghe and Qingyuan came in together to report. Qinghe said, "Grandmother, tomorrow there is a Donggao night banquet, and the ladies and young ladies of Youzhou will all attend. The Censor's daughter has invited me, and the Commissioner's wife has invited Fourth Sister. We've come to ask your instruction. May we go?"
The Old Lady certainly knew about this banquet. Like the spring banquet in Hengtang, it was mostly an occasion for young men and women to look each other over. Lanshan and Chunzhi would probably both be there. These children could not often see one another, and what grandmother would stand in the way? She agreed, and told them only to take several attendant maids and come home early.