Chen Ziyou seemed to possess a precise internal clock.
She hadn't slept well the previous night, and because she needed to rise early, she'd set her alarm for 5 a.m., a time she rarely woke at.
Yet she woke precisely a few minutes before the alarm sounded. She lingered in bed for a while, and when her phone vibrated for the first time, she decisively reached out and silenced it before the ringtone could begin.
Chen Ziyou lay there with her eyes open for a moment longer, carefully avoiding Jiang Licheng's body, and slowly rose.
It was already bright outside, but the curtains blocked the light well; she could only discern his blurry silhouette, his head tucked beneath the pillow, the thin blanket completely pulled under his body, and he lay at an angle.
She wasn't accustomed to seeing Jiang Licheng when she woke in the morning. They didn't have many opportunities to sleep in the same bed; most of the time, she was exhausted and fell asleep first, sleeping soundly until dawn, waking alone.
But last night, because nothing had transpired, she was acutely aware that he'd lain down beside her, half-embracing her waist, his legs draped over hers. Then he'd slipped his hands inside her pajamas, kneading her body. She could feel his movements but dared not stir. Later, his even breathing brushed against the back of her neck, even though his hands remained inside her pajamas. She gradually calmed; he had finally fallen asleep. She counted his breaths, several hundred, before gently removing his hand and carefully moving herself a few inches toward the edge of the bed, out of range of his breath.
Chen Ziyou already struggled with sleep the nights before her period, feeling uncomfortable and uneasy. With a sleeping lion lying beside her, she became even more tense.
She'd never been with him in such a situation before. If he asked her out, she would inform him she was unavailable, so he wouldn't insist. After all, he usually only contacted her for one thing; if she was unavailable, then he wasn't either.
That night, Chen Ziyou slept fitfully, constantly worried that he would wake in the middle of the night and force her into something humiliating, but nothing occurred. Despite her restless sleep, she opened her eyes to find it was a new day.
She quietly washed up, but the rustling of her clothes still disturbed him. Jiang Licheng turned over, mumbling, "Why so early? Can't you sleep a little longer?"
She'd never known that his voice was so soft and gentle when half-asleep, completely different from his usual tone. Perhaps he mistook her for someone else in his drowsy state.
She drew a breath and mumbled back, "I have to get up early—you go back to sleep."
Jiang Licheng grunted and indeed fell into deep sleep again.
The dutiful housekeeper, however, had already risen. As she descended the stairs, he was inspecting the floor. Seeing her, he stood ramrod straight. "Good morning, Miss Chen."
She nodded in return and heard the butler inquire with a cold, concerned tone, "May I ask what breakfast Miss Chen would prefer? Or are you waiting to dine with Mr. Jiang?"
"No need to prepare my breakfast—I'm leaving shortly. Thank you."
"Then... I'll arrange a car to take you."
"No need for that. Please call a taxi for me."
It wasn't one of the usual experienced drivers who came for her, but Jiang Liu.
This man had probably risen early without much sleep, appearing like a drowsy child, his eyes not as clear as usual. He was likely similar to his employer, not adept at waking early.
"Good morning, Miss Chen."
"Thank you."
"How could I?" Jiang Liu, still not fully awake, used a phrase and tone he'd never employed before.
Chen Ziyou smiled at him, then opened the back door and entered the car.
It had rained the previous night; the ground was wet and slippery, appearing to have been a heavy downpour. She hadn't slept well all night, yet she hadn't heard the rain.
She was going to retrieve her car from the company, which was in the same direction as her home. Chen Ziyou said, "Take me home to change first."
Jiang Liu hadn't waited downstairs for even fifteen minutes when she emerged quickly.
As he opened the door for her, he glanced at her, his eyes flickering slightly before the expression vanished.
Chen Ziyou wore a white short-sleeved shirt, a wide, light blue skirt with a cinched waist, flat shoes, her hair mostly loose with only a hair clip, and she wore almost no makeup. Even her ever-present, unpredictable perfume was absent; she resembled a student.
As Jiang Liu drove, he couldn't help but steal another glance in the rearview mirror.
Chen Ziyou appeared very different during the day versus at night.
He didn't often see Chen Ziyou during daylight hours. In his limited memory, she was a typical white-collar professional, impeccably dressed, with neat makeup, a dignified expression, refined but lacking any distinctive features.
At night, she often wore vibrant, richly colored lips, paired with a blank expression, creating an eerie beauty. Even when he drove her home, clearly having just showered, her hair still damp and her body seemingly shrouded in moisture, she would still apply a thick layer of lipstick and perfume.
In fact, when Jiang Licheng was present, he always kept his eyes fixed straight ahead. But when alone with her, he would secretly observe.
He hadn't noticed before. Until one evening, when he went to collect Chen Ziyou alone, halfway there, a strange fragrance wafted to his nose. He turned around and witnessed Miss Chen holding a pretty little bottle, spraying perfume on herself like a cleaner spraying insecticide. Then she applied lipstick before a small mirror, each stroke deliberate and forceful.
Realizing she was being observed, Chen Ziyou politely said, "Please pretend you didn't see that. Thank you."
Jiang Liu's face quickly flushed, as if he'd inadvertently glimpsed someone's privacy. He immediately turned back, but slowed down. Finding it was already dark, he carefully turned on the car's interior lights for her. That day, he'd even forgotten to open the car door for her.
From then on, Jiang Liu began paying attention to this woman and discovered another secret about her. The color of her lipstick and the scent of her perfume were always changing; at least when she was with Jiang Licheng, they rarely repeated.
Chen Ziyou, who had been gazing down as if lost in thought, suddenly looked up and reached her fingers toward Jiang Liu's shoulder, her fingertips touching his neck. Jiang Liu swerved slightly.
Chen Ziyou pressed down on his shoulder. "Don't move—there's a long hair."
Jiang Liu stiffened, staring straight at the road, waiting for her to remove the hair.
But the soft hand remained on his shoulder. It was a summer morning, yet that hand was cold, the chill seeping into his bones through his thin shirt.
Chen Ziyou said softly, "You've been looking at me all morning. Why? Does this outfit seem familiar to you?"
Jiang Liu's heart began to chill. He nodded stiffly.
Chen Ziyou continued softly, "Your first love?"
"Audrey Hepburn. The movie Roman Holiday. You must have seen it," poor Jiang Liu stammered.
Chen Ziyou laughed. She said, "Why are you so nervous? Afraid I'll seduce you?"
Jiang Liu subtly attempted to move her hand away, but failed several times, and Chen Ziyou released him on her own.
He'd felt cold when her hand rested on his shoulder. Even after she withdrew, he was still cold.
Chen Ziyou's voice was soft and weak, devoid of emotion. "Jiang Liu, I really want to know—if I did something with you, what would he do? Do you know?"
Jiang Liu was truly awake this time. He'd completely regained his usual composure and said calmly, "Please, please don't attempt it, neither with me nor anyone else."
"There's a precedent? Tell me about it."
"I don't know."
After that, Jiang Liu's mouth seemed sewn shut, and he remained silent until Chen Ziyou asked him to stop at a breakfast shop.
Chen Ziyou said, "I'm hungry—I want to eat something."
Jiang Liu nodded.
"You haven't eaten either, have you? Let's eat together."
Jiang Liu shook his head.
"Then wait for me in the car."
Jiang Liu shook his head again.
So, early that morning, Chen Ziyou ate her braised pork rice while Jiang Liu sat upright at another table waiting for her. The breakfast shop had just opened, and besides the two of them, there was only one other customer.
"The braised pork rice here is quite good. Don't you really want some?"
Jiang Liu shook his head.
"Are you afraid I'll drug you?"
Jiang Liu shook his head again.
"Then, please sit farther away. I can't eat with someone watching me like this."
Jiang Liu nodded, walked to the table furthest from the door, and sat down, waiting for her to finish eating.
Chen Ziyou, now sated, finally seemed normal. As she exited the car, she even said gently to him, "Just kidding, trying to lighten the mood—don't mind it."
Jiang Liu nodded, then shook his head again, feeling something was amiss.
Chen Ziyou smiled gently at him, then turned and entered her car. As she turned, her skirt and hair swayed in an elegant arc.
Jiang Liu waited until she was out of sight before driving away. He reached up and touched his back; it was slightly damp. The car was well-cooled; this was probably cold sweat.
What made him break out in cold sweat wasn't the drastic change in the usually aloof but gentle Miss Chen's personality, but rather the realization that Miss Chen seemed to have been assimilated by Mr. Jiang—regardless of her cold, winter-sun-like smile or her gentle tone tinged with icy warmth. This realization sent chills down his spine, so much so that he hadn't dared resist just now.
Chen Ziyou drove alone out of the suburbs. The rain in the suburbs was much heavier than in the city, and the roads were flooded with deep water. After passing through several poorly maintained sections, the roads became muddy, and even the car windows were splattered with mud, so one could imagine the vehicle's condition. Fortunately, it began drizzling again, quickly washing away the mud.
Her driving skills weren't exceptional, and with the road slippery and visibility poor, she drove even more carefully. The car was stuffy, so she inserted a cheerful and noisy CD in the stereo. The clattering and clanging made the shopkeeper's eyes widen when she'd purchased the CD, not believing she would listen to such music. She'd said, "I bought it for an elderly person."
The already long road seemed even longer because of the poor road conditions. The CD finished playing before they reached their destination, so she switched to a joke compilation.
After listening to about half the joke compilation, they finally arrived at their destination. She registered, left her identification, and parked the car in the lot. She checked her reflection in the rearview mirror, offering a kind and gentle smile. She tried several times until she felt satisfied, then unbuckled her seatbelt and emerged.
The place resembled a sanatorium, nestled halfway up a mountain with beautiful scenery. But in reality, it was a renowned medical research institution that received many severely mentally ill patients.
She first went to see the attending physician, a medical doctor in his forties. He said kindly, "Your grandfather's mental state is very stable. Recently, he often speaks to the nurses about his youth."
"Has he mentioned me?"
"I'm sorry. His memory only extends back to more than ten years ago; in his memory, you were still a child."
Chen Ziyou lowered her eyes, her long eyelashes trembling slightly, her ten fingers twisting together.
"But he's much better than he was three years ago, isn't he? Don't be discouraged, Ms. Chen. Previously, he only remembered his twenties, but now he can recall teaching you to fish when you were a child. With patience, he will improve."
"Thank you, Dr. Lin. May I see him now?"
"I'll accompany you, but don't get too close to him. We still can't be certain when he will become violent. You know, his emotions fluctuate significantly when he sees you, and you might be in danger."
The corridor was long, and behind each door that appeared no different from an apartment, there might be a dangerous patient, so the doors were made of steel plates and were incredibly heavy. This was a high-class sanatorium, but it also resembled a prison.
The corridor seemed endless, and Chen Ziyou trembled imperceptibly. She always arrived full of hope, but always departed disappointed.
She slowly took deep breaths at the door. Dr. Lin smiled and encouraged her, "Don't worry. He's in a very stable mood this morning. Smile—yes, just like that. You look very beautiful today, like a schoolgirl, and it reminds me of my youth. Blue and white are two lovely colors."
Chen Ziyou attempted to maintain her smile. She said, "I hope my grandfather will like it too. Last time, he was looking through an old magazine and saw a picture of a woman dressed like this, and his expression was very gentle. My grandfather used to love these two colors the most."
Chen Ziyou had repeatedly dreamed of this scene:
A heavy iron door slowly opened, with a harsh metallic grinding sound, and the room was pitch black.
Although she feared the darkness, she bravely entered because her only relative was there.
Finally, she glimpsed a sliver of light. She walked toward the light with fear and anticipation, and finally saw the slightly hunched back of an old man in the dim illumination.
She ran forward happily, and the old man slowly turned around. Then she woke with a start, covered in cold sweat.
Reality proved far better than the dream. Behind the door wasn't darkness, but a warmly furnished room, elegantly colored and brightly lit. Large glass windows faced ornate wrought-iron railings, adorned with several green vines that, though delicate, exuded a vibrant life force.
A neatly dressed elderly man sat in a chair, his back to them, admiring the rain outside. Hearing a sound, he slowly turned around.
Old Mr. Sun Tiande didn't resemble a mental patient at all. His expression was serene, his demeanor refined. Despite his white hair and wrinkled face, he possessed a scholarly elegance and the resolute gaze characteristic of successful individuals.
At this moment, he was friendly and kind. He politely said, "Good morning, Dr. Lin. The weather is lovely today."
"Hello, Mr. Sun. How are you feeling today?"
"Fine. I'd like to go for a walk later, but they said they need your permission."
"Of course, but only after the rain stops." Dr. Lin gently drew Chen Ziyou, who was hiding behind him, forward. "This young lady has come to visit you."
The elderly Mr. Sun gave her a kind smile. "Hello, Miss. You look beautiful in that dress."
Chen Ziyou suppressed her emotions and presented him with her most perfect smile, which she'd practiced many times.
"This is Miss Chen—she's been here several times. Do you remember her?" Dr. Lin said.
The old man gave Chen Ziyou a slightly apologetic smile. "My memory isn't very good; I forget things quickly. Please don't mind."
Chen Ziyou gently shook her head. "As long as you agree, I can come to see you next time."
"As long as Dr. Lin agrees, you can come. Is that right?" The old man smiled at Dr. Lin, then looked at Chen Ziyou. "You remind me of my daughter when she was young."
Chen Ziyou looked at Dr. Lin with a hint of surprise. Dr. Lin gestured for her to remain silent.
"My daughter was very beautiful and obedient; she never disobeyed me. I also had a son, but he left us when he was very young, and I can't remember what he looked like now." The old man's gaze grew unfocused as he drifted into memories. Silence filled the room.
"Miss Chen, you're not a mother yet, are you? I have a little granddaughter. She was this small when she was born," he gestured, "she was such a beautiful and adorable little thing, the most beautiful baby in the world."
Chen Ziyou trembled slightly, and Dr. Lin gently patted her back to calm her.
"Do you want to see her again?" Dr. Lin asked slowly.
"She's dead—she'll never return."
"Last time you said she went abroad to study..." Dr. Lin attempted to correct him.
"No, she's dead—she doesn't want me anymore." The old man suddenly covered his face and wept without any restraint.
Chen Ziyou was at a loss.
"Why? My wife, son, daughter, and son-in-law are all dead—I only have my precious granddaughter left in this world, and even she isn't spared by God? She was so young—I should be the one who died!" The old man grasped his hair and pounded his forehead, a few strands of white hair falling to the ground.
Before Dr. Lin could intervene, Chen Ziyou rushed forward and pulled the old man's self-harming hands away. "Please don't do this, please don't do this." Her voice was as low as possible, her face pleading.
Then she screamed, and her grandfather had already firmly gripped her neck. "Tell me why? Why is it her who died and not you?"
Chen Ziyou looked into his eyes; the old man's eyes held only madness and sorrow, devoid of any recognition of her.
She didn't struggle; she had not even the slightest desire to resist. Her grandfather was her only family in this world, and he didn't recognize her. It would be better if she were simply strangled to death by her grandfather.
A strong force pulled her away; her grandfather was already firmly restrained by several people, the scene chaotic, someone injecting needles into his arm.
After that outburst, the old man had quieted. His eyes gazed out the window again, letting the nurse inject the medicine into his veins, without the slightest struggle, just like when he'd choked Chen Ziyou.
Dr. Lin dragged Chen Ziyou out of the room. He briefly examined her neck. "I told you not to speak to him, not to approach him. You've forgotten my instructions again. Are you alright?"
She shook her head.
"I'll go back and check on him again. Wait for me a moment."
"I'm going for a walk, Dr. Lin."
Chen Ziyou rubbed her neck, abandoning the urge to check in the mirror. Her grandfather had been very strong, and her skin was delicate; there would definitely be finger marks there.
She walked blankly up the corridor to the top floor of the building. The building wasn't old, but its style was quite antiquated, only four stories high, each surrounded by a veranda, without windows. The veranda on the fourth floor had wide, old-fashioned eaves extending over the railings.
The rain had lessened, and raindrops dripped from the eaves onto the railings, making a tinkling sound. The distant mountains, trees, and houses were shrouded in the fine drizzle, like a traditional Chinese ink painting.
Several long benches were placed against the wall of the veranda. Chen Ziyou sat down, leaned back in her chair, and lit a cigarette.
As a child, she'd hated rain because it would soak her pretty clothes and leave her feet covered in mud. But her grandfather loved rainy days. He'd taught her many poems about rain, shown her famous paintings depicting rain scenes, and personally purchased her beautiful raincoats, rain boots, and umbrellas. Gradually, she grew to love rainy days, wanting the opportunity to use these beautiful things.
She'd smoked a cigarette down to about a third when she realized the surroundings were pristine and there was nowhere for her to extinguish it. She stood and reached her hand over the railing; the raindrops dripping from the eaves extinguished the cigarette instantly.
She tossed the butt into the trash can, extracted another cigarette, and was about to light it when a gentle male voice sounded behind her. "Smoking is harmful to your health."
Chen Ziyou turned around and saw Dr. Lin, wearing a white coat, standing a few meters away. She gave him an apologetic smile and returned the cigarette to the pack. "There's no smoking sign here."
"You can smoke, and you look good smoking. But it's better to smoke less." Dr. Lin's tone resembled that of someone lecturing a student.
"Is my grandfather... feeling better?"
"Very quiet. He's quiet most of the time."
"Only when I come? Dr. Lin, he hates me. In his subconscious, he'd rather I were dead."
"How can you think like that? He's a mentally unstable patient; he rejects everything he's unfamiliar with."
Chen Ziyou stared blankly at the misty mountains in the distance for a while, then unconsciously touched her forehead. There was a faint scar there, now covered by her hair. It had been three years ago, when her grandfather regained consciousness from his coma, and she'd rushed into his arms with tears of joy and relief, only to have him seize his IV drip bottle and smash it against her head.
"If you want to cry, just cry. I can pretend I didn't see you, I can walk away, or I can lend you my shoulder. Holding it in like this isn't good for your health, and it's uncomfortable for others to witness."
Chen Ziyou turned to face him, touching the area around her tear ducts with her finger. "I wasn't holding it in—I genuinely didn't want to cry, I had absolutely no urge to shed tears."
"Are your tear ducts damaged?"
"I don't think so. I often laugh until I cry when I watch comedy films." Chen Ziyou said earnestly.
"What comedy film is so amusing? I'd like to see it too."
"I'm afraid it's not suitable for a serious scientist like you... Okay, it's A Chinese Odyssey. Every time I finish watching this film, my mood improves."
"Oh, so this film is a comedy? My wife also cries every time she watches it, but she's always heartbroken and in tears."
A smile appeared on Chen Ziyou's lips. She gazed at the distant mountains for a while, then turned her gaze to Dr. Lin. "Is there any chance my grandfather can recover?"
"I can't be certain, but we will do our utmost. You have to believe that there are many miracles in this world."
Chen Ziyou was silent for a long time before speaking very carefully. "Dr. Lin, I have a question I've always wanted to ask you."
Dr. Lin looked at her with encouraging eyes.
She paused for a moment. "You're a psychiatrist—you must have seen many family cases. Mental illness is probably related to genetics, right? Have I told you before? My uncle and mother both died by suicide. My uncle was not yet twenty when he died, and my mother was not yet fifty. And my maternal grandfather, I always thought he was the strongest person." She paused, drew a deep breath, and continued, "I often wonder what my future will be like. Will I end up like my uncle and mother, or like my grandfather?"
"Nonsense," Dr. Lin said sternly. "Complete nonsense. These things are unrelated."
He drew a deep breath. "Young lady, you are the most resilient woman I have ever encountered. People like you are not welcome here."
Chen Ziyou smiled slightly and said, "But I genuinely like it here. The scenery is beautiful, and the doctors and nurses are kind. If I reserve a spot in advance, would you bring me here if that day ever comes?"
Dr. Lin smiled.
"If you truly like it here, I do need an assistant, but I'm afraid it would be unfair to you. Give me your hand—let me read your palm."
"I thought scientists weren't superstitious," Chen Ziyou obediently extended her hand.
"Who said that? Newton and Darwin both later became believers in God." Dr. Lin carefully examined her palm lines. "Don't always overthink things. Your life line is very long; you'll live to at least eighty. And your palm lines are smooth and clear, indicating a smooth life ahead. Don't move—let me take another look. You will have two children, a boy and a girl."
"Then can you see how many husbands I've married?"
"Ahem, how many do you hope for?" Dr. Lin chuckled.
Chen Ziyou didn't stand until she felt her mood had returned to what it was when she'd arrived, and bowed slightly to Dr. Lin, who had been with her the entire time. "Thank you so much for today, Dr. Lin."
"Don't worry—everything will be alright."
"I want to go to the finance department; I haven't received a bill in quite some time."
Dr. Lin said, "Recently, an organization donated a large sum of research funds to our institute and designated several patients with special circumstances to have their medical expenses covered, including Mr. Sun. Didn't anyone inform you?"
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