Chapter 10: Two Years of Distant Proximity

Her heart contracted painfully. It was just one lie, yet she had lost all her strength. She had thought her hatred had been completely worn away, but after two years of separation, his casual lie left her defenseless. She was so pathetic—in front of him, she was always pathetic. She had long since abandoned hope, had long since stopped expecting to look back. Two teardrops fell silently onto the blanket. He said, "Ren Susu, don't cry." As long as she didn't cry, he would do anything; he just needed her not to cry. Her thin shoulders trembled, and he pulled her into his embrace, kissing her tears. Once he held her in his arms, he could no longer suppress the longing in his heart. He wanted her, he wanted her, all he wanted was her—even if without her heart, having her body would be enough…

The sky gradually brightened. On the cream-colored curtains, the faint golden patterns became increasingly clear, revealing the shapes of flowers. The pale morning sun cast its light, transforming those golden patterns into bright orange, gradually blooming into flowers before one's eyes.

The curtains in the small parlor were a pristine ivory white, embroidered with passion flower patterns—a dense array of blooms, buds, and intricate foliage. Mrs. Mu Rong knew that her youngest daughter never engaged in idle gossip, so she felt somewhat curious. She asked, "What is it? Is it related to your Third Brother?"

Weiyi said quietly, "I heard that Wang Qilin and Third Brother have been close this past year."

Mrs. Mu Rong asked, "Wang Qilin? Is that the second daughter of the Wang family, the pretty one?"

Weiyi nodded, "Shicheng saw them together twice. You know Third Brother's temperament; he doesn't hide things."

Mrs. Mu Rong laughed, "Young people are shallow. Having some fun outside isn't a big deal. Your Third Brother knows what's appropriate, and I've noticed he's been quite well-behaved lately."

For some reason, Weiyi let out a long sigh. Hearing her troubled tone, Mrs. Mu Rong asked, "You're being evasive. What exactly do you want to say?"

Weiyi glanced at Ren Susu again from afar, seeing her holding the child, one hand feeding bread to the fish, causing them to surface with soft sounds. The child was laughing with delight, and Ren Susu was also smiling, freeing a hand to tear bread for the child, teaching him to scatter food into the pond. Weiyi said softly, "Mother, I heard Miss Wang is pregnant."

Mrs. Mu Rong felt her eyelid twitch slightly and asked solemnly, "You're saying the child is your Third Brother's?"

Weiyi said, "That's what people are saying outside, though it's half-believed. In matters like this, who knows except the two of them?"

Mrs. Mu Rong said, "Third Son wouldn't be so foolish. Who did you hear this from?"

Weiyi said, "By the time it reached my ears, it had already taken several turns, so I don't fully believe it. But there's another matter—I don't know if Mother is aware?" After a pause, she continued, "The Qiyushan road reconstruction project—I heard Third Brother intervened and gave the entire contract to one company. Coincidentally, this company belongs to Wang Qilin's uncle."

Mrs. Mu Rong's expression grew serious, "When you put it that way, there does seem to be something to it. How could Third Son act like this? If your father finds out, he'll be furious."

Weiyi said, "Third Brother has been promoted too quickly in recent years. People outside say all sorts of things, and his actions have always been unrestrained. He'll eventually suffer for it."

Mrs. Mu Rong thought for a moment and said, "I'll ask him when he returns." Looking at Ren Susu's back, she added, "Don't tell your Third Sister-in-law. No need to trouble her."

Weiyi retorted, "Mom, don't you think I know that much?"

---

Ren Susu returned home after dinner, and as soon as she entered, she received a call from Mu Lan, "I've been looking for you all day; you weren't home."

Ren Susu smiled apologetically, "I was at Shuangqiao today. Is something the matter?"

Mu Lan said, "Nothing important, but I'd like to treat you to dinner."

Ren Susu said, "I'm sorry, but I've already eaten. Let me treat you another day."

Mu Lan said, "I have something very urgent to tell you. Come meet me; I'm waiting for you at Yixin Restaurant."

Ren Susu hesitated, "It's so late. How about we have tea tomorrow?"

Mu Lan said, "It's only just past eight, and the streets are still lively. Come out, the matter is truly urgent. Hurry, I'm waiting for you."

Hearing her urgent tone, Ren Susu thought it must be something important, so she took a car to Yixin Restaurant. Yixin was an old, established Suzhou cuisine restaurant that catered to officials and celebrities. A waiter saw her license plate from afar and rushed over to open the door, "Third Mistress, what an honor."

Ren Susu had never liked such flattery and could only nod with a smile. The waiter asked, "Is the Third Mistress alone? Would you like a private room?"

Ren Susu said, "No, Mrs. Zhang is waiting for me."

The waiter smiled, "Mrs. Zhang is in the Sanxiao Pavilion. Let me take you up."

The Sanxiao Pavilion was an exquisite chamber, distinguished by the paintings of court ladies hanging on the walls, which were genuine works by Zhu Zhishan. The other calligraphy and paintings were also by contemporary masters. Ren Susu, with her growing experience over the years, recognized their value at a glance. She saw Mu Lan sitting alone at the table, staring blankly at a cup of tea, and smiled, "Mu Lan, what's so urgent that you called me out in such a hurry?"

Seeing her, Mu Lan revealed a bitter smile. Ren Susu quickly asked, "What's wrong? Did you disagree with Mr. Zhang?"

Mu Lan sighed, "I wish it were just a disagreement with him."

Ren Susu sat down, and the waiter asked, "What would the Third Mistress like to eat?"

Ren Susu said, "I've already eaten. Ask Mrs. Zhang to order." Then she smiled at Mu Lan, "Disagreements are common. Don't be upset. This meal is on me. Eat heartily, and I guarantee you'll feel better."

Mu Lan said to the waiter, "You may go. We'll order later." After watching him leave and close the door, she took Ren Susu's hand and said, "You silly girl, do you not know?"

Ren Susu never expected this to be about herself and asked in confusion, "Know what?"

Mu Lan hesitated, "By rights, I shouldn't tell you, but perhaps beside me, no one else will—Susu, I'm truly sorry."

Ren Susu was increasingly confused but forced a smile, "Look at you, making me completely bewildered. You've never been like this. With our friendship of over ten years, what can't you tell me?"

Mu Lan said, "After you hear this, please don't be angry or heartbroken."

Ren Susu gradually guessed something, but found her heart growing calm, and asked, "What have you heard?"

Mu Lan sighed again, "I met Wang Qilin last year because she's a relative of Mingshu's cousin. I never thought things would turn out this way."

Ren Susu responded with a soft "hmm," her tone indifferent, "I don't blame you or anyone else. No wonder he told me not to associate with Miss Wang. So that's what it was about."

Mu Lan said, "I think the Third Young Master was just having a casual fling. I heard he's already ended his relationship with Wang Qilin."

Ren Susu's lips curled into a vague smile. Mu Lan said, "Don't be like this. He is protecting you after all; otherwise, he wouldn't have told you not to associate with her."

Ren Susu gathered her spirits and said, "Let's not talk about this anymore. Let's order some food. I'm hungry now."

Mu Lan was startled and said, "There's one more thing—I don't know if I should tell you."

Ren Susu sighed softly, "Just tell me whatever it is."

Mu Lan said, "I only heard this from others—they say Wang Qilin is pregnant."

Ren Susu's face turned snow-white, her gaze fixed straight ahead at the teacup as if trying to see through it. Mu Lan gently shook her shoulder, "Susu, don't frighten me. This is just a rumor; we don't know if it's true."

Ren Susu picked up the menu. Mu Lan saw that her hand was trembling slightly, but her face showed no expression. She urgently said, "If you want to cry, just cry it out."

Ren Susu slowly raised her head, her voice soft, "I won't cry. I will never cry again."

Mu Lan watched as she called the waiter to order as if nothing had happened. When the food arrived, she just kept ladling the water shield soup, filling her bowl to the brim and continuing until it overflowed. Mu Lan called out, "Susu!" Only then did she notice and put down the ladle, saying, "This soup is so salty, it makes me thirsty."

Mu Lan said, "You don't look well. Let me take you home."

She shook her head, "No need, the driver is waiting downstairs."

Mu Lan had to stand up and see her downstairs. As Ren Susu got into the car, she smiled at Mu Lan, "You should go home now. It's so late."

The more calm and untroubled she appeared, the more Mu Lan felt something was wrong. The next day, she called again, "Susu, are you alright?"

Ren Susu replied, "I'm fine."

It wasn't convenient to say much over the phone, so Mu Lan could only exchange a few casual words before hanging up. Just as Ren Susu put down the receiver, the phone rang again. It was Mu Rong Qingyi, asking, "What are you doing at home? I'm coming back today. Will you wait for me for dinner?"

Ren Susu made a soft sound of agreement, saying, "Alright, I'll wait for you."

He said, "What's wrong? You sound unhappy."

She said softly, "I'm not unhappy; I've always been happy."

He still felt something wasn't right and pressed, "Tell me the truth, what happened?"

She said, "Nothing. I probably caught a chill while sleeping yesterday, so I have a bit of a headache."

As the afternoon heat intensified, she lay on the bed, her neck covered in sweat, the stickiness making her uncomfortable, wishing she could take another bath. Gradually growing drowsy, the book in her hand slowly lowered. In her hazy sleepiness, someone suddenly gently touched her forehead. Opening her eyes, she first saw the bright insignia on his shoulder. He hadn't changed clothes, apparently coming straight upstairs after getting out of the car, his breathing still uneven from rushing. In this weather, his face was naturally covered in sweat. Seeing her open her eyes, he smiled and asked, "Did I wake you? I was worried you had a fever, seeing your face so flushed."

She shook her head, saying, "Go change your clothes; it's so hot."

After he showered and changed, she had fallen asleep again, her brows slightly furrowed, as if shrouded in a faint mist. Unconsciously, he bent down, as if wanting to kiss away the knot between her brows, but as his lips barely touched her forehead, she awakened with a start and almost instinctively drew back, a flash of revulsion visible in her eyes. He was stunned for a moment, then reached out to hold her hand. She remained motionless, allowing him to hold it, but lowered her eyelids. He asked, "What's wrong with you?"

She just shook her head. He asked, "What exactly happened?"

She simply said, "Nothing."

He became irritated. She was clearly in front of him, yet already distant, so distant it made him agitated. "Susu, you have something on your mind."

She still replied indifferently, "No, I don't."

The weather was so hot, with new cicadas singing desperately outside the window. He tried hard to control his temper, "Don't hide from me. If there's something, say it clearly."

She remained silent, and he grew increasingly angry, "I rushed back early because I was worried about you, but you're always like this to me. What exactly do you want from me?"

What right did she have to demand anything? His renewed attention to her was already an immense favor; why did she presume to want more? The desolate smile on her lips finally angered him, "Don't be ungrateful!"

Her retreat only left him feeling defeated as he turned away. He had tried so hard, being as careful as possible, but she was still afraid of him, and even, now, beginning to detest him. Just days ago, she had given him hope, but today, that hope was finally lost.

Looking at her, her face was pale, weak, and frail like a small blade of grass, but this grass grew in his heart, a terrifying wasteland. He suppressed his temper, afraid of saying hurtful things again, but she remained silent. He clenched his fists silently, his nails digging deep into his palms. She was right in front of him, yet already so far away—as if an unbridgeable chasm lay between them. Only she, only she could make him so powerless, with no plans or solutions, just helpless resignation, even self-deception was a futile dream.

---

He visited his parents at Shuangqiao, staying to have dinner with Mrs. Mu Rong. After dinner, while drinking coffee in the sitting room, Mrs. Mu Rong dismissed the servants and asked him gravely, "That Wang Qilin, what's going on?"

He didn't expect Mrs. Mu Rong to mention her and was stunned for a moment before saying, "Why is Mother suddenly asking about this?"

Mrs. Mu Rong said, "Everyone outside is talking about it—I think you've been foolish. I heard she's pregnant with your child. Is it true?"

Mu Rong Qingyi blurted out, "Impossible. I haven't even seen her this year."

Mrs. Mu Rong's expression softened slightly, but her tone remained stern, "You can't brush this off vaguely. Tell me the truth. If you won't, I'll tell your father, and he'll ask you."

Mu Rong Qingyi said, "Mother, I wouldn't be so reckless. I did associate with her for a while, but I broke up with her after the Lunar New Year. The pregnancy must be her lie. If it were true, she'd be at least six months along. How could she still be out in public?"

Mrs. Mu Rong finally nodded slightly, "That's good. I thought so; you wouldn't be so careless. But people are spreading rumors everywhere, pinning it on you."

Mu Rong Qingyi said angrily, "How absurd! I didn't expect her to behave so recklessly."

Mrs. Mu Rong said, "It's still your fault for being indiscreet. You always learn your lesson the hard way. Susu might not care about your affairs, but if she hears such talk, it will truly hurt her."

Mu Rong Qingyi remembered her demeanor and suddenly realized, "She might have already heard—when I returned today, she was acting strangely."

Mrs. Mu Rong said, "In any case, you keep making mistakes. If she gives you a cold shoulder, it's only right."

Feeling guilty, he pondered how to explain on his way home. But when he arrived, Xin Jie said, "The Mistress has gone out."

He asked, "Where did she go?"

Xin Jie replied, "Shortly after you left, the Mistress received a phone call and went out."

Seeing that Ren Susu's car was still at home, he asked, "Who called? Why didn't the Mistress take the car?"

Xin Jie shook her head, "That I don't know."

Summer days naturally grow dark late. As the night deepened, the outlines of the trees outside the window gradually blurred, like ink soaking into water, forming indistinct clusters. He grew anxious, pacing back and forth in the living room. Lei Shaogong was about to go off duty and go home but became concerned seeing his state. So he said, "Third Young Master, should we send people out to look for her?"

Remembering her expression earlier that day, that cold, powerless, yet resolute gaze, he was suddenly terrified that she might do something desperate. His mind was in chaos, and he quickly said, "Go! Have everyone search for her."

Lei Shaogong complied and went to make arrangements. Mu Rong Qingyi, worried, paced back and forth several times, then thought of something and said to Lei Shaogong, "Call Wang Qilin for me; I have something to ask her."

Hearing Mu Rong Qingyi's voice, Wang Qilin laughed like silver bells, "Why are you thinking of me today?"

Unwilling to talk much with her, Mu Rong Qingyi only said, "What nonsense have you been spreading outside?"

Wang Qilin made a surprised sound, saying, "I haven't said anything. Why are you taking such an accusatory tone?"

He laughed coldly, "Don't play dumb. Even my mother has heard—you're pregnant? With whose child?"

Wang Qilin made a gentle reproachful sound, her voice sweet, "How heartless you are, saying such hurtful things. Who told you this? Who would be so cruel to spread such rumors? If my family heard, wouldn't it upset the elders?"

Seeing that she flatly denied it, he coldly said, "I've done what you asked me to do. We're even now, owing each other nothing. You'd better not be so foolish again, or you'll regret it."

Wang Qilin laughed softly, "No wonder they all say you're the most ruthless; it's truly so."

Not wanting to say more to her, he hung up the phone.

By ten o'clock that night, he was increasingly anxious. He sat down to review official documents but couldn't concentrate. Lei Shaogong, fearing something might happen, stayed instead of leaving. Occasionally glancing at the clock in the corner, there was still no news from the attendants sent out to search. Mu Rong Qingyi, thoroughly worried, threw the document in his hand onto the desk with a "thud," saying, "I'll go look for her myself."

Before he finished speaking, the telephone rang. Lei Shaogong quickly went to answer, but it was Mu Lan, who seemingly didn't recognize his voice and thought he was an ordinary servant, saying, "Please have the Mistress come to the phone."

Hearing her speak this way, Lei Shaogong's heart sank slightly for some reason, and he only asked, "Mrs. Zhang, right? Isn't the Third Mistress with you?"

Mu Lan said, "I just returned from going out and heard that someone had called looking for me, so I'm returning the call. You are—"

Lei Shaogong said, "I'm Lei Shaogong. Didn't the Third Mistress have an appointment with you today?"

Mu Lan said, "We had dinner at Yunhua Tower, and then she left first. I went to see a performance, so I've only just returned."

Mu Rong Qingyi had been listening and now grew even more worried. Fearing something had happened, concern clouded his judgment, and he immediately said to Lei Shaogong, "Call Zhu Xunwen and ask him to send people to help."

Lei Shaogong started to speak but stopped, knowing he wouldn't listen to advice, so he went to make the call.

Meanwhile, Wang Qilin held the phone, which now had only a busy signal. Opposite her was a full-length mirror, reflecting her in a shimmering rose-red qipao, languidly leaning against a tall table, looking like a blooming flower in the mirror. Her powder-white face had a thin layer of rouge, enough to do justice to this fine evening. She replaced the receiver but deliberately waited a moment, then smiled at herself in the mirror, slowly tidied her hair, and finally walked through the flower hall into the inner room, smiling charmingly at Ren Susu, "I'm so sorry; that call took so long."

Ren Susu said indifferently, "It's getting late. If Miss Wang has nothing else, I need to go home."

Wang Qilin smiled with pursed lips, "I've been remiss, keeping you sitting for so long, just chattering away. I'll have them drive the Mistress back."

Ren Susu said, "That's not necessary."

Wang Qilin said, "At least today I've clarified things to your face. The Third Young Master and I are truly just ordinary friends. Those rumors outside are ridiculous. It's good that the Mistress doesn't take them to heart. But as they say, 'Many mouths melt gold; many slanders corrode bone,' and I feel I can't defend myself against all these voices. Today, having met you and explained in person, I feel much better."

Ren Susu said, "Miss Wang, there's no need to be so polite."

She had never been talkative and spoke only indifferently. Wang Qilin personally escorted her out, repeatedly insisting on having a driver take her, but Ren Susu said, "I'll take a rickshaw back. Don't worry about me, Miss Wang."

Wang Qilin smiled and had someone call a rickshaw for her.

Ren Susu took the rickshaw home. It was late, and the streets were quiet. As the vehicle moved through the cool breeze, she stared blankly into space. Earlier at the Wang residence, behind the zitan and jade screen, she had faintly heard that slightly raised voice: "You heartless one." The soft, sweet voice, like a flower speaking, like jade emitting fragrance—surely the person on the other end of the phone must have felt his heart tremble. The buried memory of that pain, once uncovered, still twisted her heart like a knife. It seemed she and Wang Qilin had spoken before, in some distant past. Now, it was just reopening old wounds and pouring salt on them.

In the end, she was still deceiving herself. In his life, filled with beautiful flowers, she was just one bloom among many. His occasional concern and tenderness had given her false hope. Just because she held the title of his wife, she had foolishly allowed herself to hope, while these women came before her, making things worse by clarifying what was already clear. The greatest irony was that when the phone rang, filled with sweet words and beautiful moments, they never thought she was just steps away.

She told the rickshaw driver, "Please stop ahead."

The driver turned back in confusion, "We haven't arrived yet."

She remained silent, handing him a five-yuan note. The driver hesitated for a moment, stopping the rickshaw, "I can't make change for this."

"Keep it."

Watching the undisguised joy on his face, she felt only endless sorrow… Money can bring joy to others, at least. So easily, five yuan could buy a smile, yet for her, a smile had become unattainable.

The shop was about to close, but she ordered a bowl of taro and ate slowly. The owner walked back and forth, cleaning tables and chairs, and wiping off dust. The owner's wife was washing dishes at the stove, muttering to her husband as she scrubbed, "Look at you, sweeping like you're drawing a talisman. I must have owed you in a past life!" She wiped her hands on her apron, came over, took the broom, and began sweeping herself. The owner chuckled, scratched his head, and went to wash dishes. A couple concerned with the mundane matters of life, finding such ordinary happiness in each word and action. Having missed her chance, she could never attain such happiness.

She put down her spoon, lost in thought. Vaguely raising her head, she discovered someone standing in front of her and slowly showed surprise, "Mr. Zhang."

Zhang Mingshu managed a smile and, after a moment, called out, "Miss Ren."

He still used her old name. Ren Susu's lips revealed a bitter smile. In this world, there was still someone who remembered she was Ren Susu, not just the Third Mistress. But she asked, "So late, why are you here?"

Zhang Mingshu said, "I was going home and passed by the Wang residence, just happening to see you get into a rickshaw."

He had only been concerned, wanting to secretly escort her home, so he had his driver follow at a distance. Unexpectedly, she had gotten off midway, and he involuntarily followed her into the shop, but as if under a spell, he couldn't look away.

Ren Susu sighed softly, saying, "I'm fine. You should go."

He could only agree, lowering his head as he slowly walked out.

The bowl of taro had grown cold, and eating it felt like a heavy stone in her stomach. She stood at the street corner like a sleepwalker, with sparse pedestrians and occasional car lights piercing the darkness. A rickshaw rang its bell, and the driver asked, "Need a ride, miss?"

Still in a daze, she got into the vehicle and heard the driver ask, "Where to?"

Where to? Though the world was so vast, where could she go? What was called home was merely an exquisite cage, locking away a lifetime. Suddenly, amid her dull pain, she found the courage to struggle—she didn't want to go back to that home. Even if she could escape for just a moment, it would be good. Even if she could flee for just an instant, it would be good.

In a very small hotel, the blue cotton bedding reminded her of her earliest childhood, when both her parents were alive, and she was a child with a home. Her mother was too busy to look after her and had to put her on the bed to play. She was an extremely quiet child, content to sit for hours on the bedding. Occasionally, her mother would turn to look at her, kiss her forehead, and praise her for being "good." Just this word would allow her to sit quietly again for a long time. Her mother's soft lips seemed to still linger on her forehead, yet the flowing time had rushed past like water, like a dream. She remembered when she first joined the ballet troupe, how confident Mu Lan had been, saying, "I want to be the brightest star." Then she had asked, "What about you?" At that time, she had only answered, "I want to have a home."

Dressed in fine clothes, admired by many, in midnight dreams with moonlight like water, it all seemed fleeting and illusory. Even when he was occasionally by her side, it felt unreal, and now, even this unreality had vanished into smoke, becoming just a remnant of a dream. Her lifelong wish had only been for the most ordinary happiness. The brief three to five years since meeting him already felt like a lifetime—a lifetime destined for loneliness and desolation.

Outside the window, the sky gradually faded to a lotus blue, then to pigeon gray, slowly showing a line of silver-white. Though the night had been so dark, the day had finally dawned, yet she was forever sinking into the abyss of darkness, unable to see the dawn.

She endured until nearly noon before leaving the room. Opening the door, Zhang Mingshu in the corridor suddenly stepped back, his expression both relieved and flustered. Seeing her looking at him, he involuntarily turned his face away. She gradually understood that he had been worried last night and had followed her, staying here all night.

His devotion… what would Mu Lan think? She gripped the doorframe, weakly lowering her head. He finally spoke, "I… the driver is outside. Let me have him take you back."

Her feet felt light as if walking on clouds. Her voice seemed exhausted, "I'll go back myself."

She walked out unsteadily, step by step. Just as she reached the entrance hall, she stumbled on the threshold. He rushed forward, "Careful."

Dizzy and disoriented, she instinctively grabbed his arm, but in her haze seemed to see a familiar face, those eyes that were her lifelong enchantment, her eternal imprisonment.

"Ren Susu!"

She trembled and raised her head, only to see Lei Shaogong rushing forward, "Third Young Master!" He tried to grab his arm, but Mu Rong Qingyi shook him off. She felt herself being yanked away. His eyes were terrifying—"Slap!" A palm struck her face.

Zhang Mingshu asked angrily, "Why did you hit her?"

Her world spun, and she felt his arm gripping her so forcefully as if he wanted to crush her. She only said, "It's not his fault."

A night of worry and fear, a night of anxiety and loss, a night of wild thoughts, a night of near-frantic searching, his eyes seemed to shoot fire. Her only sentence was to exonerate that man!

He cared for her, cared so much that he had spent the night nearly going mad with worry, only to hear this one sentence. She was so fragile and slight, like a wandering spirit he could never capture. He breathed heavily, staring at her, while she fearlessly looked back. She had always lowered her head before him; this courage was only shown to others.

Lei Shaogong looked distressed, "Third Young Master, release the Mistress; she can't breathe."

He suddenly let go of her, and she staggered. Zhang Mingshu couldn't help wanting to support her, but Mu Rong Qingyi pushed him away forcefully, "Don't touch her."

Yet at almost the same moment, she pushed away his arm, "Don't touch me."

This utterance was like the sharpest blade, cleaving into his heart. She stood with her face raised, stubborn, and defiant, her eyes clearly showing disgust. She didn't love him; in the end, she didn't love him. It was clear, obvious, and finally spoken. Relying on his power, he had kept her all these years but ultimately failed to win even a fraction of her heart.

He had lost completely in front of her, with no way to turn the tide. So many years, so many years—she had become a pain deep in his marrow. Each hope had only led to greater disappointment, until today… it had finally become despair. Despair rose from his heart; her words had effectively pronounced his death sentence. Whatever lingering hope or reluctance he still had, she had erased it all. Like a drowning man in his death throes, he squeezed out a sentence through clenched teeth, "I won't touch you! I will never touch you again in this life!"

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