He endured this torment, forcing himself to create difficulties for her, finding fault at every turn, while she merely lowered her head submissively. In his presence, she only showed fear—fear of him, which made her obedient. What he wanted wasn't fear, yet fear was all she offered. Occasionally he caught her smiling, but the moment he approached, that smile vanished instantly. When he lost his temper, she only grew more frightened. He truly understood what heartbreak meant, and after heartbreak came a life-threatening emptiness. He tried filling this void with other people and other matters, but his heart was missing a piece that only she could complete.
The summer in Maple Harbor, with its unique terrain facing the sea and backed by mountains, cooled by sea breezes, was a renowned summer retreat. The official residence at Maple Harbor stood at an elevated position. Leaning against the railing to gaze into the distance, one could see endless blue waters dotted with white sails like scattered flowers. A white-winged, black-backed seagull had wandered into the garden and, startled by the approaching figure, flew up in circles. The aide hurried to the back garden where Madam Mu Rong was holding scissors, cutting newly bloomed roses for a vase. Seeing his manner, she knew something was amiss. Assuming it was official business, she turned to Mu Rong Feng with a smile. "See, I was right. Before eight o'clock, there would be a call for you."
Unexpectedly, the aide approached and said, "Madam, Fourth Miss called and said that the Third Young Mistress has fallen. From her tone, she seemed very anxious."
Madam Mu Rong's heart constricted. If nothing had happened after the fall, they wouldn't have called. The consequences didn't need articulation. Her only hope was that Wei Yi was young and panicked, overreacting to the situation, making it a false alarm. She quickly set down the scissors and said, "Prepare the car. I'm going back to Shuangqiao."
By the time she rushed back to Shuangqiao, it was already afternoon. The day was growing late, and the ancient trees surrounding the Shuangqiao Residence made the sky appear even darker. As soon as she went upstairs, several doctors were gathered in the small reception room. Seeing her, they all stood and said, "Madam."
Looking at their expressions, she already understood most of the situation, so she asked, "How is the situation?"
Among the doctors, Dr. Qin was a recognized authority, and he answered, "We still recommend not moving the patient to avoid increasing blood loss."
Madam Mu Rong nodded, sighed, and said, "I'll go in and see."
Though her steps were light, Ren Susu still heard her. Seeing her, she called out, "Mother," and tried to struggle upright. She quickly said, "Don't move."
Tears then fell from Susu's eyes like broken strings as she sobbed, "I was so careless—I've failed Mother's affection for me."
Madam Mu Rong held her hand and said, "Good child, you didn't do it on purpose." Turning to Wei Yi, she ordered, "Have them remove all the carpets from the stairs."
Wei Yi acknowledged with a sound. Madam Mu Rong patted the back of Susu's hand, comforting her. "Don't cry. It's all my fault for being careless. A few days ago, Wei Yi also tripped there, but I didn't think to have it removed. It's all my fault for not being thorough."
Susu's tears wouldn't stop. Madam Mu Rong suddenly remembered and asked, "Where is the third son?"
Everyone looked at each other, then summoned someone from the aide's room to inquire. The answer was, "We still haven't found the Third Young Master."
Madam Mu Rong said, "This confused boy! I've returned from Maple Harbor—could he have gone to heaven or entered the earth?"
Although she was always gentle and gracious with a dignified demeanor, the aide's room feared her even more than Mu Rong Feng. When she questioned so sternly, the aide immediately responded repeatedly and withdrew to make phone calls. Seeing that Madam Mu Rong had rushed back, he knew the situation must be serious and immediately changed his tone, calling everywhere and speaking frankly: "Help me find Master Lei by all means. The Young Mistress has had an accident, and the Madam has already rushed back."
This was how they finally located Lei Shaogong. By the time Mu Rong Qingyi rushed back to Shuangqiao, the sky was completely dark. He ran up to the second floor in one breath, through the corridor, but suddenly stopped, standing there hesitating for a moment, and finally walked to the large living room first.
Madam Mu Rong was sitting in a recliner, with Wei Yi nestled by her side. Wei Yi's eyes were red-rimmed, but Madam Mu Rong's expression revealed nothing. Seeing him, she merely sighed.
His face was pale, and he unconsciously took half a step backward. Madam Mu Rong said, "Go see Susu—she's feeling miserable enough."
He stood there like a stone statue, motionless, though his fists were tightly clenched. After a prolonged silence, he squeezed out words through gritted teeth, "I won't go."
Wei Yi cried out, "Third Brother, Sister-in-law didn't do it on purpose."
Madam Mu Rong looked at him, her eyes showing compassionate understanding, like when he was very young, watching him desperately trying to reach for candy on the table—but couldn't. Knowing he could never reach it, that kind of maternal love and pity made her eyes mist over with a soft haze. The handsome young gentleman standing before her was, in his mother's heart, still just a very small child. She said, "Silly child, at this time, you must go see her no matter what. Even if you don't say anything, she needs to know you're there."
He turned his face away, still adamant. "I won't go."
Wei Yi was bewildered by him and turned to look at Madam Mu Rong. Madam Mu Rong sighed softly and said, "With your temperament, I can't persuade you. Your father has beaten you nearly to death several times and still couldn't bend you—in your lifetime, sooner or later you'll suffer for this. Third son, I'm doing this for both you and Susu. Do you refuse to see her? She is most miserable now, and if you don't go, she will surely think you blame her. Do you want to see Susu heartbroken?"
He remained silent for an extended moment before finally turning to walk out. When he reached the door of the room, he involuntarily stopped. A light was on in the corridor. Though the weather was hot, the lamplight seemed to burn. He stood there as if bewitched, surrounded by complete silence. Despite straining his ears to the limit, he couldn't hear any sound from her, not even her breathing, which would have been enough. But he couldn't hear anything. Separated by just one door, how could he hear? Just one door, yet it seemed to separate entire worlds—a world he couldn't step into, a world he surprisingly lacked the courage to enter.
Dr. Qin opened the door and emerged, seeing him, he called out, "Third Young Master."
Susu had been exhausted and was drifting in and out of consciousness when she heard this. She opened her eyes urgently. The nurse quickly bent down to wipe the sweat from her forehead and asked, "Would you like some water?"
She silently moved her lips. No, no, she didn't want water. She wanted… no… she didn't want… She timidly grabbed the nurse's hand, her voice barely audible, "Don't… don't let him in."
The nurse curiously looked back. He had already stepped inside and was standing at the door. Hearing her say this, the color instantly drained from his face, making him appear as ghastly as dead ashes. She didn't dare look at him at all, just tightly clutching the lace on the corner of the quilt, as if he were some terrible beast.
He finally turned and left. His steps were initially heavy as if dragging lead, but they grew increasingly urgent and rapid, rushing like the wind around the corridor corner to the study, forcefully slamming the door. The door made a loud "bang," creating a humming echo in the corridor, and also causing a large teardrop to silently fall from the corner of her eye.
She slept fitfully until midnight but woke up in pain. The nurse asked again, "Is it very painful? Or do you need something?"
The physical pain was almost insignificant compared to the pain in her heart. What did she want… what did she want… She tossed and turned, covered in cold sweat… What did she want… She wanted something unattainably extravagant… So she could only humbly and consciously not want it… Only by not wanting could she avoid losing again, because she had never truly possessed it in the first place, so she would never lose it again. Losing was so desperate, desperate to the point of having one's heart carved out alive, making one wish for death. She had already lost her heart and had no strength to bear his blame. He was angry, so angry. He might not have liked this child, but it was still her fault. She had been so careless, falling on the stairs… She didn't want… It would be best never to face him.
Madam Mu Rong always rose very early. She first went to see Susu, then walked to the study. The study was originally a very large suite. She went to the rest area and saw Mu Rong Qingyi sleeping fully clothed on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, facing inward and motionless. She sighed, sat down on the edge of the bed, and said softly, "Third son, you should go see Susu. I can see you can't let her go."
Mu Rong Qingyi suddenly turned around to face her, staring directly at her. "I can let her go—I don't want her anymore."
Madam Mu Rong said gently, "Good child, this is not the time to speak out of anger. She didn't fall on purpose. She feels worse than anyone."
He threw off the blanket and sat up, his lips twitching slightly, but his voice was as resolute as iron. "Anyway, I don't want her anymore."
Madam Mu Rong looked at him quietly and couldn't help sighing deeply again. "You keep saying you don't want her anymore, but what about your heart?"
He looked at the morning sun shining through the window. The sunlight was pale gold, seeming to gild everything it touched, but dust floated within that gold—countless floating specks like countless clusters of sharp needle points, piercing his heart densely and mercilessly, unavoidable, suffocating, like the death throes of a dying man. He clenched his fists tightly. Her voice seemed to echo in his ears again. She said, "Don't let him in."
She didn't love him. Even at what he thought was her most helpless and painful moment, she preferred to face it alone rather than with him. She didn't love him. She didn't want him… He forced out the words bitterly, "I don't have her in my heart—I don't want her anymore."
Madam Mu Rong was silent for a prolonged moment before finally saying, "In my opinion, let's wait until Susu recovers to talk about this. Such confused words shouldn't be spoken again, lest they hurt her heart."
He turned his head to look out the window. Ginkgo trees with countless emerald-green little fans swayed in the morning breeze, like thousands upon thousands of small hands clapping intermittently. The shade of the trees was like water, cicadas called incessantly, making one's heart burn like raging fire.
The wind blew, causing a rustling sound in the forest, bringing the coolness of autumn. Looking from the terrace, ginkgo leaves fell fluttering like rainfall. A golden carpet spread out, scattering and flying about, and fallen leaves lay thick on the steps. A leaf slowly floated down onto the terrace railing, its veins still clear, yet it had already fallen, crushed to mud and dust.
Wei Yi walked over, holding a newly opened white chrysanthemum flower upside down in her hand, lightly tapping Susu's shoulder. "Third Sister-in-law, the weather is nice today, and it's the Mid-Autumn Festival. Let's go out for crab."
Susu said, "We have some in the kitchen."
Wei Yi pouted and said, "I'm truly tired of being at home. Let's go eat at a restaurant."
Susu gently shook her head and said, "I don't want to go."
Since her illness, she had been melancholy. Though she had never been fond of excitement before, she now spoke even less. Wei Yi only felt that her temperament had become increasingly quiet. When she occasionally raised her eyes, her gaze always fell on something distant. Wei Yi was naturally a very lively person, but seeing her like this, she couldn't bring herself to be coquettish. Noticing the book Susu had casually placed on the tea table, she said, "The most diligent reader at home, besides Father, is Third Sister-in-law. You've probably read quite a few of those ten thousand books in the study."
Susu said, "I'm just passing the time. How could I compare to Father?"
Wei Yi saw that her expression remained indifferent, which made her feel unhappy too. After chatting with her for a while, she went downstairs to the back courtyard where Madam Mu Rong was standing by the pond feeding the koi. Wei Yi watched the colorful fish in the emerald water competing for food, thought for a moment, and couldn't help saying to Madam Mu Rong, "I think Third Brother is wrong. Since he married his Third Sister-in-law, he should be wholehearted. Look at how heartless he is now, making Third Sister-in-law sad."
Madam Mu Rong carefully pinched the fish food and said, "What are you standing up for today?"
Wei Yi said, "I saw Miss Ye yesterday, seductive like a spider spirit, nowhere near as beautiful as Third Sister-in-law. I just don't understand how Third Brother could like her and even let her parade around in public."
Madam Mu Rong sighed and said, "Your Third Brother is a fool."
Wei Yi said, "Indeed, I think he's bewitched."
Following her hometown custom, Susu went to her uncle's wife's home to deliver Mid-Autumn Festival gifts. On her way back, passing near the alley where she used to live, she saw the familiar street and, after thinking for a moment, told the driver, "Drive around to Three Views Alley. I want to see my old house."
The driver drove to the entrance of the alley, stopped the car, and said, "Young Mistress, let me accompany you inside."
Susu had never wanted servants to follow her, so she said, "No need. I'll just look from outside."
The driver acknowledged and stood by the car waiting for her.
In the afternoon, the alley was quiet. The usually noisy children were nowhere to be seen. The sky was gloomy, and the wind blowing in her face was cold as if it might rain. The good weather from the morning had changed in an instant.
From a distance, the autumn begonias under the fence were in full bloom. On the fence, the green vines of morning glories meandered, interspersed with one or two half-withered blue flowers. The yard was kept very neat. She thought the house must have been rented out again. She had lived in this house for many years, and because the landlady was extremely kind, even though the house was old and small, it had always felt like home to her.
Standing in the wind, she didn't feel cold. After standing there for some time, she heard the door creak open, and a tiny little girl, about one-year-old, stumbled out. Her mother followed and picked her up, complaining, "Gone in the blink of an eye." Looking up and seeing Susu, she curiously examined her. Susu saw she was an ordinary young woman with a round face, looking quite friendly. Though her clothes weren't fancy, when she smiled, her features showed a pleasant serenity.
A desolate smile tugged at the corner of Susu's lips. As a young girl with dreams, she had thought that such tranquility would be her whole life—marriage, children, aging, illness, the ordinary joys and sorrows of common people. Now it had all become an illusion.
The driver, worried, finally came looking for her. She returned to the car, just looking out at the streets through the window. Such a bustling secular world, but separated from her by a pane of glass. As the car was about to leave the city, in the distance at the intersection, she could see the black asphalt road that was the private road to the official residence. She said to the driver, "Please turn around. I want to visit a friend."
She went to Mu Lan's home but found no one there. Mrs. Fang was extremely polite, saying, "You're an honored guest who rarely visits. Today is really unfortunate timing."
As she was leaving, she happened to encounter a car stopping at the entrance, with a license plate she didn't recognize. Mu Lan got out of the car, saw her, and was pleased. "Why are you here?" She took her hand and blurted out, "You've lost weight."
Susu forced a smile and said, "When I used to dance, I was always worried about my weight. Now that I don't dance anymore, I've lost weight."
Turning her face, she saw someone getting out of the car—it was Zhang Mingshu. Before she could react, Zhang Mingshu was already standing there stunned, as if struck by lightning, staring straight at her. Mu Lan hadn't noticed and said, "Standing here looks silly. The house is a mess, and I'm embarrassed to invite you in to sit. Let's go out for tea instead."
As usual, he left after dinner. Madam Mu Rong, afraid Susu would be upset, specifically called her over to talk. "Susu, don't take it to heart. He has his difficulties outside, and it's rare for you to be so understanding of him."
Susu softly responded with a "Yes."
Madam Mu Rong held her hand and said gently, "The third son just talks tough, but in his heart, he values you the most—don't mind his foolishness, I'll scold him later. I can see something's on your mind, but you're unwilling to speak of it. Are you blaming him?"
Susu shook her head gently and said, "I don't blame him."
Madam Mu Rong said, "He's been unhappy lately, but you don't need to always give in to him. What can't be said between husband and wife? I think you should talk with the third son. As a mother, this is as far as I can go. Seeing you two children at odds like this makes me most upset."
Susu lowered her head and said softly, "It's all my fault, making Mother worry."
Madam Mu Rong sighed, patted her hand, and said, "Good child, listen to Mother, talk to him. How can husband and wife hold grudges overnight? Whatever the issue, it will be better once it's discussed."
He carried a faint scent of alcohol. Gradually, her eyes regained a sad calmness. She turned her face away, but he eagerly sought her lips. She didn't want this, didn't want this inexplicable comfort; perhaps he was mistaking her for someone else. She raised her hand to block him. "No…"
Knowing he wouldn't stop because of her refusal, it was just a dying struggle, but he paused, slowly releasing her. His eyes gradually filled with an expression she didn't understand, which resembled sadness… He was like a child, forcibly deprived of a beloved object, and also like a beast trapped in a snare, watching helplessly as the hunter approached with a gun—so desperate, desperate enough to make her heart palpitate.
She heard him say, as if in a dream, "Susu, I love you."
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