The crescent moon drifted westward as night deepened. A gentle sea breeze rippled across the water, scattering reflections of stars like diamonds cast upon silk. Against the railing, the rhythmic whisper of waves created a lullaby that should have been soothing.
But Mu Xuanling felt anything but calm.
That snow crab dish lingered with surprising potency—stronger even than the wine from Yongxue City. The sea breeze couldn't dispel the flush on her cheeks; instead, it left her feeling deliciously lazy, her limbs heavy and warm. She leaned far over the railing, chin resting on folded arms, watching the dark water below. Unknown fish, drawn by the airship's firelight, leaped and played around the Floating Cloud's hull, their scales catching the light in brilliant silver arcs.
How beautiful…
They look so happy…
I wonder if they taste good…
Could this be fake too?
Perhaps reality is ugly, and only illusion is beautiful…
I want to jump down and play…
Wait—can I even swim?
Her wine-addled thoughts drifted like those fish, circling without purpose. She didn't notice the footsteps approaching from behind, soft against the wooden deck.
"Ling'er."
The voice was gentle. Only when he stood beside her and spoke her name did she sluggishly turn her head, blinking up at him with unfocused eyes.
"Young Master Nan?" Her voice emerged soft and husky, rough with intoxication. Her cheeks were flushed pink, her eyes misty and unfocused—less of her usual sharp cleverness visible, replaced by something endearingly innocent. "Why are you here?"
Nan Xuyue's tone was tender as silk. "I knocked on your room door, but there was no response. I thought you might have come here for fresh air."
"Mmm." She made a small sound of acknowledgment before turning back to watch the fish dance. "Young Master Nan, do you know how to swim?"
Nan Xuyue followed her gaze to the shimmering waves, a smile playing at his lips. "No, I don't."
"So there are things you can't do too." She gave a silly little laugh, then her brow furrowed with sudden regret. "I'm sorry—I forgot about your injured foot."
"You don't need to apologize." His smile was dismissive, gentle. "I'm just an ordinary person. There are many things I can't do."
"You're not ordinary at all." She spoke with the earnest sincerity of the drunk, counting his virtues on her fingers. "You've read so many books. Your skill with formations and mechanisms is unparalleled. You excel in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. And you're so kind—so gentle with everyone. Even a treasure-sniffing rat would get your help if it asked." Her voice grew softer, sadder. "You just… encountered bad people. That's why your divine aperture was destroyed."
She paused abruptly, hand flying to her brow. "I have a divine aperture… Yes! The Jade Palace Scripture can rebuild divine apertures!" Her eyes widened with sudden excitement, those peach blossom eyes sparkling with an alluring light. "Nan Xuyue, I can pass on my cultivation to you. If you learn the Jade Palace Scripture, you might be able to rebuild your divine aperture!"
Nan Xuyue stared at her, stunned. Then he chuckled softly, the sound almost sad. "You're drunk. Do you know what you're saying?"
"I do know." She was as excited as if she'd discovered buried treasure, clutching at his sleeve with wine-clumsy fingers. "If you recover your divine aperture, you won't be any less than Xie Xuechen. Just try it, okay?"
"Passing on cultivation means exposing oneself completely—defenseless—to another person." Nan Xuyue's voice dropped lower, still smiling but with something intense beneath it. "Traditionally, only masters and disciples, husbands and wives, or fathers and sons pass on cultivation to each other." He paused, leaning slightly closer. "Ling'er, what am I to you?"
Mu Xuanling froze. But instead of answering, she said, "But Sect Leader Xie also passed his cultivation to me…"
An answer seemed to float just beneath the surface of her consciousness, wavering like something glimpsed through water, almost breaking through but not quite.
Nan Xuyue reached out, his fingers brushing away loose strands of hair that the night wind had pulled free at her temple. He tucked them gently behind her ear, his cool fingertips grazing—intentionally or not—against the delicate shell of her ear.
She flinched like a startled creature, her ear tip turning a faint shade of pink.
"I know you're drunk." His voice was barely above a whisper now. "But I still can't help wanting to hear false comfort from your lips." He drew closer still, inhaling the scent of her—three parts alcohol and three parts floral sweetness, brewing into something intoxicatingly soft. "If there were no Xie Xuechen, you would have fallen in love with me, wouldn't you?"
Mu Xuanling's brow furrowed slightly. Her intoxicated eyes misted over, scattered with what looked like crushed stars. Through that thin veil, she looked at him in genuine confusion.
"What does it have to do with Sect Leader Xie?" She truly didn't understand.
"Yes, it has nothing to do with him…" He gave a soft laugh, then sighed. "Ling'er, you're like this… It makes one want to bully you."
"You would never bully anyone." She didn't believe him, shaking her head with drowsy certainty. "You're a good person."
"If you don't like it, I can become bad too." His lips curved in what might have been self-mockery, his handsome features tinged with melancholy. He was extremely close now—close enough that his faint woody scent tangled with her sweet girlish fragrance. His gaze fixed on the jade pendant at her neck, his usually gentle voice slightly hoarse with restraint. "He's not suitable for you. Only I understand you."
"You and I are the same. We've both been abandoned by this world, seen the darkest nights, walked the longest roads. At our most painful and desperate moments, just a single smile could give us redemption. I understand how you cherish every life that has ever shown you warmth—because I'm the same."
His words flowed like water, quiet and inexorable.
"But you're gentler than me. Anyone who has shown you warmth, you're willing to repay with your life. You can unhesitatingly shield me with your body, even though you don't love me. But I can't do that…"
"I too can risk everything for you, but only for you…"
He knew he wasn't truly gentle—only skilled at using a mild facade to conceal the coldness within. That courtesy, that softness, was merely social grace. The only one he was willing to love with his whole heart was her. Only her.
Mu Xuanling stared blankly at his handsome face, so close she could see herself reflected in his clear eyes—eyes that concealed unknown pain and sorrow. He lowered his head, and the moonlight didn't reach his gaze anymore. In his eyes, there was only her.
"Nan Xuyue…" She frowned in confusion, murmuring his name but not resisting when his warm fingers touched her cheek.
His fingertips caressed the soft skin of her face as he drew even closer. His low, husky voice resonated in her ear like a secret. "Ling'er, you once promised to give me a little bit of your affection." His hand gently cupped her delicate chin, his voice dropping to something almost hypnotic. "Can you give me a little more?"
Could she?
Mu Xuanling felt dazed, lost. It was as if a part of her heart had emptied out—as if she'd once had so much affection, but it had all disappeared somewhere. Where did it go?
She frowned, forgetting to answer. Her silence seemed like permission.
Just as Nan Xuyue's kiss was about to fall, she felt a sudden, sharp tug on her arm. An irresistible force yanked her body away from his embrace.
She crashed into a solid chest, caught firmly by the waist. Rubbing her head and regaining a fraction of clarity, she looked up with indignation at Xie Xuechen. "What are you doing!"
Nan Xuyue turned slowly to face him, a smile still on his lips—but no warmth, no gentleness in his eyes anymore.
"The Red String of Fate." Nan Xuyue's gaze dropped to the identical red cords on their wrists. "Ling'er is not a prisoner."
Xie Xuechen's stare was ice. "I have never seen her as a prisoner."
"Nonsense!" Mu Xuanling's face flushed crimson with fury as she pushed and struck at his chest. "You're treating me like a dog on a leash!"
Xie Xuechen sighed softly, catching her flailing hands and gentling his voice. "You're drunk. We'll talk when we get back."
Nan Xuyue stepped forward. "She's drunk. It's not appropriate for you to take her back."
"Master Nan, given your actions just now, I'm afraid you're in no position to say that." Xie Xuechen didn't bother hiding the cold hostility in his words.
Unable to budge Xie Xuechen, Mu Xuanling reached desperately toward Nan Xuyue. "Nan Xuyue, save me!"
Something twisted painfully in Xie Xuechen's chest—sharp and bitter.
"She doesn't want to go with you." Nan Xuyue's voice was firm.
"She's been poisoned by the Heart-Enlightening Grass." Xie Xuechen's words dropped like stones.
"What?" Nan Xuyue's shock was genuine. "But the symptoms don't match—"
"We don't know what Sang Qi did, but Xuan Xin's judgment should be correct." Xie Xuechen's jaw tightened. "Our trip to Luowu Mountain was to obtain the antidote—the seeds of the Changshou Lotus."
Mu Xuanling slowly stopped struggling. She looked up at him, her eyes clearing slightly. "What did you just say? I've been poisoned?"
Xie Xuechen lowered his gaze to meet hers, his voice impossibly gentle. "Yes. The Lotus Heart Seed was obtained for you."
Her face changed. She struggled harder than before, thrashing wildly. "You're talking nonsense! I won't eat such a thing!"
The Lotus Heart Seed contained the bitterness of all living beings. Why should she have to suffer that?
Nan Xuyue's expression darkened with uncertainty. Then Xie Xuechen spoke again, quiet but absolute.
"If the poison isn't neutralized, her life will be in danger. I will make her take the antidote and protect her heart meridians." His phoenix eyes met Nan Xuyue's directly. "Master Nan, if you truly care for her, you should know what choice to make."
Nan Xuyue's resistance crumbled.
If Ling'er is cured, her eyes and heart will only have room for Xie Xuechen.
But if she isn't cured, her life will be in danger…
I'd rather see her live well. I can wait…
Xie Xuechen carried her back to her room. The door closed behind them, and a barrier immediately shimmered into place.
He laid the half-drunk, half-awake girl on the soft bed with its silken pillows and brocade quilt, then sat on the edge, blocking her escape.
Mu Xuanling fought with everything she had—hands, feet, nails, teeth. Xie Xuechen refused to use his spiritual power to shield himself, fearing he might hurt her. He simply endured. The drunk and furious person had no restraint; each blow landed on his chest and abdomen with full force.
He frowned. A trace of blood seeped from the corner of his pale lips.
She froze, stunned. "Why don't you dodge?"
"What do you think…" His smile was bitter, pained. "You're so clever. You should understand."
"What should I understand?" Her mind was buzzing, everything a chaotic blur.
"The Red String of Fate is a thread of destiny." Xie Xuechen took her hand, his long fingers intertwining with hers. His voice dropped to something low and rough. "To hold your hand is to wish to grow old with you."
She stared at him, dumbfounded. The temperature in her palm was rising gradually. She trembled, her voice emerging small and bewildered. "You truly… like me?"
"The word 'like' seems too light." Xie Xuechen sighed softly. He wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. His phoenix eyes gazed deeply into her confused ones. "Far too light."
"Is it love then?" The word felt strange on her tongue.
His eyes filled with something soft yet unbearably heavy. When he spoke, it was both gentle and solemn. "It is love. Love that makes one jealous and doubtful, anxious and insecure. Love that's beyond one's control."
She had never imagined such words would come from Xie Xuechen's mouth. Her heart began to pound violently, making her breathing irregular. She lowered her eyes, not daring to look at him. Her hand gripped the quilt so tightly her knuckles went white.
"I know you can't respond to me now because of the Heart-Enlightening Grass's poison. I brought the Lotus Heart Seed to save your life, but I also have selfish reasons." He lowered his head, pressing a gentle kiss to the tear mole at the corner of her eye. His voice turned hoarse, raw. "I hope you can fall in love with me again."
The ticklish sensation made her blink involuntarily. Her lashes dampened with unbidden tears, appearing even thicker and darker—like butterfly wings trembling.
"Maybe you're mistaken…" She couldn't help asking, her voice small. "What if I take the Lotus Heart Seed and still don't like you?"
His heart clenched painfully. Then he smiled—bitter, resigned. "Then I… still can't let go."
The crimson lotus seed floated in the air between them, emitting a faintly bitter fragrance. Mu Xuanling looked at it with trepidation. The most bitter thing in the world. She couldn't help shrinking back.
Xie Xuechen's firm hand pressed against her back, steadying her. His voice was both gentle and determined. "I will bear it with you. Ling'er… I will always be by your side."
He took the lotus seed into his mouth first. The intense bitterness—stronger than the world's strongest wine—instantly swept through and pierced straight to his heart. Without a sound, without hesitation, he leaned in and kissed her full, vibrant lips. His tongue parted her tightly closed mouth to pass the seed between them.
The delicate body in his arms trembled violently. She tried instinctively to spit it out, but he blocked her with his lips. His tongue pressed against hers in a moist, lingering caress. A hint of sweet blood entered her mouth—his blood. His hand lightly touched her chin, and her throat swallowed involuntarily.
The lotus seed fell into her stomach.
The bitterness pierced her heart like a blade.
The intense, bitter agony consumed all consciousness, all thought, all sense of self.
What is the suffering of all living beings?
It is the pain of separation from loved ones. The agony of meeting those we hate. The burning of the five aggregates.
It is not getting what we want. It is losing what we have.
Compared to the bitterness in one's heart, what is the bitterness on the tongue?
Mu Xuanling's heart began to ache violently—as if being repeatedly stabbed by the sharpest blade, then mercilessly twisted. It was intangible pain, the heart-wrenching agony of losing those dearest to you. The despair and helplessness of being betrayed and abandoned.
It was watching Xie Xuechen breathe his last before her. Holding his cold body. Feeling utterly hopeless and wishing for death…
Tears gushed forth uncontrollably, sliding from the corners of her eyes and wetting her hair, the pillow, everything. She sobbed convulsively.
Xie Xuechen held her tightly, his palm pressed against her back and shoulder blades. He poured vast amounts of spiritual energy into her body, wrapping around her violently beating heart, protecting her heart meridians from shattering.
The medicinal properties of the world's bitterness spread from her heart in waves—layers upon layers of bitter pain crashing like a tsunami against the blockade created by the Heart-Enlightening Grass's poison. Two powerful forces wrestled and confronted each other in her fragile heart, waxing and waning. Each heartbeat was soul-deep agony. She broke out in a cold sweat, trembling all over.
Her face turned deathly pale. She whimpered and bit down hard on his left shoulder.
Xie Xuechen didn't resist, didn't even flinch—only feared she might hurt herself. The iron taste of blood dispersed the bitterness on her tongue. Hot tears fell on his neck, burning straight through to his heart.
"Ling'er, Ling'er…" His clear, hoarse voice called her name like a prayer.
The scenes in her memory gradually became clear. Those colorless, pale images slowly regained their original hues—vivid and sharp and real.
She remembered the flutter in her heart when they first met. The wild joy of their reunion. The heart-wrenching grief of losing him. The sadness and hurt of being rejected by him…
"Xie Xuechen…" Her hoarse voice emerged weakly, desperately. "Xie Xuechen…"
He trembled violently. One hand cupped her tear-stained face, his voice shaking. "Ling'er, do you remember?"
She threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him like a drowning person grasping at driftwood. She pressed herself against him, trembling, and burst into tears.
She remembered everything now. The Heart-Enlightening Water that Sang Qi had forced down her throat. All those heartless words she'd said to Xie Xuechen. All those resolute, cruel things she'd done.
Her emptied heart was slowly filling again with emotions—joyful and sorrowful, sweet and bitter, all because of him. The intense pain gradually subsided, replaced by a tingling fullness. It was the sweetness after bitterness, the clarity of seeing through the mortal world yet still choosing to love.
She tightened her arms around him. Tears pooled continuously at his collar, soaking through his robes. Her thin back trembled with uncontrollable sobs.
Xie Xuechen gently stroked her back with one hand while the other continued channeling spiritual energy to protect her heart meridians and clear her blocked channels.
"Ling'er, does it still hurt?" His voice was hoarse, trembling, as he tenderly kissed her sweat-dampened temple.
Her heartbeat finally began to stabilize. But her tears wouldn't stop.
"I'm sorry…" Her voice emerged tear-choked and small. "I hurt you so many times…"
Xie Xuechen embraced her gently, his cool voice heavy with emotion. "You know those aren't the words I want to hear."
Mu Xuanling raised her head from his neck. Her beautiful peach blossom eyes were red from crying, and the tear mole at the corner of her eye had vanished.
He sighed in relief.
Then she lifted her face and kissed his lips—precious, deliberate, full of everything she felt.
"Xie Xuechen, I love you."
It had been so since seven years ago.
He raised his hand to hold the back of her head, deepening the kiss.
The greatest fortune in life is to regain what was once lost.
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